#bill is such a sad boy and i love talking abt him GOD

[aishnico]

hi ahh could I req a smut fic abt chris cornell where him and reader have just come back from their first date and unexpectedly get in a sexual situation? Theyre both a little nervous but ease each other through it? There's no content for him here and you're an amazing writer so I was so glad when I saw you write for him :0

But no worries if you can't!!! Have a great day/night!!

#𝘾𝙃𝙍𝙄𝙎 𝘾𝙊𝙍𝙉𝙀𝙇𝙇: 𝘮𝘰𝘷𝘪𝘦 𝘯𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵

» summary: after a date with an unpleased surprise in the end, your new boyfriend invites you to his house to watch a movie. suprisingly things end somewhere else :)

» word count: 2.5k

» warnings: little bit of fluff at the beginning, smut [unprotected sex, kinda size kink idk(?), pulling out], grammar issues

» a/n: thank you for your kind words, hope you’ll like it 🥹💞

“i’m sorry things turned out this way.” your boyfriend, chris was looking for his apartment keys in a rush. neither of you expected to get into a heavy rain just ten minutes ago. chris, just like the polite gentleman he is, immediately took off his large leather jacket and covered your head with it. sadly, his gorgeous long, curly dark brown hair was messy and tangled now. you were feeling guilty but he was shushing you in response. and here you two were, in front of his house. luckily for you, his house was close.

“no no, i should be the one apologizing.” you bowed your head and chris opened the door, inviting you inside first. “you’re soaked and your hair is ruined.”

“hey, i thought we talked about this. don’t blame yourself for this. it was my choice.” he smiled and pinched your cheek playfully. 

“but i don’t want you to be sick because of me.” you sighed and sat on the couch, covering your face with your hands. chris chuckled at his sight and kneeled in front of you. he gently grabbed your hands and moved them aside. “how about if i take a shower, make tea for ourselves, and snuggle on the couch while watching a movie, hm?” 

“oh my god, it sounds perfect! and like a second date.” he managed to cheer you up like this and gave you a quick peck on your forehead before standing up. “and, can i at least make tea?” it’s not that he could resist your sad puppy eyes, so he nodded. “you sure you can manage this? you can just wait for me.”

“god�� will you just let me do something for you?” you huffed and he chuckled again. 

“i won’t be there too long, meanwhile you can choose the movie.”

“fine, but not complaining.” you grinned.

“i don’t promise anything!” he shouted before entering the bathroom. you rolled your eyes playfully and decided to wander around the room to kill some time. his black gibson guitar standing next to the square tv, his vintage record player seems kind of dusty, vinyls of various bands look unorganized…

you found a box full of movie dvds under the tv. they were dusty too, so you assumed he doesn’t really watch them. most of them were action movies like ‘terminator’, ‘die hard’, ‘indiana jones’… however you wanted to watch something funny to become more intimate with him. just when you decided to pick ‘bill & ted’s excellent adventure’ you found something better, at least it was better for you.

after placing the dvd on its player, you made your way to the kitchen. 

“‘the lost boys’? really?!”

“there’s nothing wrong with ‘the lost boys’!”

chris sighed loud while sitting cross-legged on the couch. his face fell and turned his head away. 

“oh my god, chris… what could have happened that you have a beef with a movie?” you placed the warm teas on the table. then sat next to him with a slight pout.

“it’s not that i have a beef, it’s just… i think it’s for teenage girls. only they can gush about a couple of handsome vampires.”

“excuse me? you take that back! i’m in my twenties and i still love them, even my mom does!”

“oh, um…” he cleared his throat in embarrassment. “then yeah i do.”

“that’s way more like it.” you giggled and pressed the play button. 

it’s been years since you’ve watched that movie, so you were glad you had the chance to watch it again. even though chris wasn’t pleased with it at first, you caught him grin and even laugh a few times. mostly when songs that he liked started to play. even so, you two were comfortable and having fun. the rain accident was already forgotten. and when everything seemed amusing, you were wrong.

oh.

oh…

the sex scene between michael and star… you totally forgot about it.

it’s not that it’s disturbing or uncomfortable, you were adults after all. it meant nothing. but watching it with your new boyfriend…

he wasn’t looking at you nor you were looking at him. you couldn’t keep focusing because of your increasing body temperature and the strange tension between you two. suddenly, you felt his gaze on you. what were you supposed to do? 

you finally met his gaze when he put his hand on top of yours. his piercing light blue eyes made you swallow, the movie was already forgotten.

“you seem uncomfortable, do you want to turn off the movie?”

“no-no!” you laughed awkwardly. “it’s okay, i’m not watching a sex scene for the first time.” god, you just wanted to be buried deep at that moment.

“we can watch 'beetlejuice' or something like that.” his concerned voice was going to kill you just right there.

“i’m fine,” you reassured him by giving him a quick peck on his lips. however, your mind couldn’t be concentrated after the simple peck, neither his.

his hand was still holding yours, and you started to caress his hand. he wasn’t looking at you but he was doing the same thing. this stupid thing continued until you kissed him again, a little bit longer than before that. and just when you wanted to pull off, he didn’t let you by placing his free hand behind your head and pulling you closer to him. 

at first, you were exploring each other’s lips slowly but deeply. his mustache was tickling you, which made you giggle through the kiss. you freed your busy hand from his and placed both of your hands on his pale cheeks, caressing them this time. the air was thick, so the tension between you two. but there was no rush.

you moaned quietly when he suddenly bit your lower lip, which made you open your mouth fully. he didn’t waste time to enter his tongue inside your mouth. he lifted you from your place and made you sit on his lap while sucking harshly on your lip. it was quite hard to catch up on his movements, but when you started to do the same thing he hummed, satisfied.

eventually, he had to pull off to catch his breath. both hearts beating fast as ever. chris wasn’t the first boy you’ve ever kissed but you could definitely say that he’s the most talented among them. just when you leaned on his lips he stopped you. 

“i’m afraid if we keep making out like that, things might end somewhere else.” he joked, but not to mention his slightly grown bulge underneath you. 

“and what if i also want that?” you teased him and wrapped your arms around his neck, shifting on his lap to feel more of him.

“do you, really?” he asked with a teasing tone. 

“i’m dead serious, chris. i want you, i want all of you.” 

“look, i’m not forcing you into anything, okay? i mean it’s our first date after all.”

“chris, i want to do this and i know 100% that i’m not going to regret it, ever.” you reassured him and pressed your forehead against his. he breathed heavily and then nodded. he wrapped his hands around you before lifting you and making his way to his bedroom.

he gently placed you on top of his bed. you opened your arms wide, inviting him to your bosom. he smiled like an idiot, then laid on top of you without putting his whole weight on you. your hands started to play with his gorgeous hair before connecting your lips with his. chris was giving you deep but sensual kisses just like minutes ago. your breath itched every time you felt his mustache press firmly against your lips. 

your body temperature was increasing nonstop since that sex scene, so you slightly pushed him to take off your shirt, then shoved it aside. chris grinned at the sight underneath him and he did the same thing, making eye contact with you. you rubbed your legs together, slightly getting impatient. he noticed then leaned close to you.

“mind if i take it off?” he asked while playing the laces of your bra. you nodded then arched your back to give him access. his fingers unhooked your bra in seconds like an expert. after undressing your upper body, he pressed your body against the bed and brushed his lips on your neck oh so slowly…

you gasped loudly and threw your head backward to give him more access. he started his movements by giving quick pecks here and there, then when he discovered your most sensitive place, he started to suck on that spot meanwhile his left hand traveled across your torso, caressing and drawing circles. then lifted his hand to play with your left boob. slender fingers continued to draw circles and pinch your sensitive nipples. this made you whine unconsciously.

after painting your neck with red and purple marks, he took your left nipple inside his hot mouth and continued his slow, sucking movements. you couldn’t stop whining when his right hand reached your right nipple and continued to play. the pleasure was too much, and you didn’t know he was more willing to give you more. 

“chris…” you pulled his hair, making him groan and send you vibrations against your chest. 

“you okay, sweetheart?” he asked you, dazed, while panting. 

“yes, but i can’t wait anymore. i want you so bad…” you didn’t care how desperate you sounded, all you wanted was to feel him inside.

“oh, is that so? i was planning to eat you out though.”

“mhmm, next time please~” how could he ever resist his cute girlfriend?

he shifted in his place and unbuckled the belt of your jeans. after tossing your belt to the ground and unbuttoning your jeans, he held the corners of them and pulled them off with your already-soaked panties, embarrassment hit you at that moment. he chuckled at your reaction.

“no need to be embarrassed about it, baby. in fact, i appreciate that.”

he unbuckled his belt and unbuttoned his jeans and shoved them aside before climbing on top of you. the sight of his painfully hard cock made you throb but at the same time feel a little bit scared. were you even able to take him..?

it’s like he read your mind, he started to reassure you. “we can stop if you want.” his hand reached to your cheek and caressed it. you leaned on his touch but shook your head as no. “no, it’s just… you’re so big. i’m not sure if i can take you.”

“okay, how about just the tip? do you want to try?” 

you softly nodded. “okay, let’s try.”

chris smiled sweetly as he planted a loving kiss on your lips before getting between your legs. he held your right hand and intertwined it with his. he pumped himself a couple of times before pushing his leaking tip inside of you slowly. both of you hissed and gasped loudly, squeezing each other’s hands tightly.

like he said, he just pushed his tip and stayed like that while peppering your face with quick sloppy kisses to ease your pain. however, your clenching tight walls weren’t helping him to relax, almost don’t let him enter inside you any further. you weren’t a virgin, but how could you be so damn tight? “baby, you’re squeezing me too hard.” he groaned lowly. 

“i c-can’t help it, let me adjust you.” you pulled him with your free hand by holding his tense shoulder. massaging and caressing his shoulder and back to make him relax a little bit. 

when you started to feel relaxed, you tapped his shoulder. “you can go further inside me now, chris.”

“are you sure?” he asked worriedly, making you nod desperately. “tell me if it hurts, okay? i’ll immediately stop.”

“i will.” you moaned when you felt him pushing deeper inside your needy cunt. his movements were still slow, afraid to hurt you. however, your already slick-covered walls were helping to move in and out of you with ease.

“that’s it, sweetheart. you’re taking me so well.” he groaned while increasing his pace and you just whined in response. his cock hitting the spots over and over where your fingers could’ve never reached, nor somebody else’s dick. you dig your nails at his back, scratching it while he shoves his hips faster into yours. you wrapped your legs around his torso as his thick cock continued to split you open over and over. 

“chris, chris! feel so good oh my god~” it was like you were already drunk on him like he was on you. your words made him get even bigger inside of you. his mouth fell agape, trying to say what was on his mind. 

“oh baby, never have felt so much pleasure with someone else before you. h-hah, you’re making me loose my mind.” at this point you weren’t listening to him. not that you didn’t want to, you were just already lost in pleasure. eyes rolling back, your juices dripping down on his shaft unstoppable. everything was too much, you just needed to release all of it.

and when he hit that sweet spot, you gasped loudly. “chris!” you cried out his name, throwing your head back.

“got it.” he continued to hit that spot over and over, meanwhile rubbing your puffy clit with his long, skilled fingers. you pushed your hips to meet with his thrusts. your orgasm was approaching and you could explode at any minute.

“gonna cum!” you cried while rubbing and pinching your hard nipple. your vision is blurry and you feel that knot tighten in your belly. a scream leaving your lips as your legs shake as you finally came undone, your clit pulsing nonstop.

“shit, i’m close too baby.” he grunted then suddenly pulled off, you gasped at his movement, and wanted to feel him inside of you more. he wrapped his hand around his shaft and then jerked off a couple of times before cumming on your tummy, thick and warm sprouts of cum covering your belly. 

he was panting, trying to calm his heartbeat at the same time. you gazed at him with lazy eyes. his long hair got messed again, covering some parts of his face. face and torso are covered in sweat, making them look shiny, chest lifting heavily up and down. gosh… he was looking like one of the greek gods. how can a person look majestic in any form?

he planted a quick kiss on top of your forehead before reaching for the towels on the nightstand, cleaning the mess he created on your body. 

“you okay, sweetheart? need anything?”

your eyes were almost shut, wanted to do nothing but sleep beside him. “mhm, just you.” 

he chuckled at how cute you were looking, then laid next to your side. you removed his hair aside to look at his handsome face properly before sleeping. 

“you’re not my first, but i definitely want you to be my last.” you murmured while snuggling to his sweaty body. he smiled, and kissed your forehead again sloppily. “me too, sweetheart. i love you.”

a loud yawn escaped from your lips before drifting off to sleep. “i love you too.” he wrapped his arms around you and then joined you in sleep. last thing you thought about was the cups of tea that were still standing on the table.

[kindlyre]

LETSGO

the idea that kokichis intentional misdiagnosis caused him to develop a compulsive lying problem is just- SO SAD AAAUUUHHHHH its so tragic and i love it

also it means a LOT that u didnt give kenzo Abuser Disorder n rather addresses the cyclical nature of abusive family dynamics!!! in my fic, rantaro's grandfather also has aspd, and his dad presumably also has it as well, but hes only one of uhhhh *counts* five characters with aspd in the whole fic that r abusive at all and even so its just like, implied, none of the characters really give a fuck abt it outside of "oh, rantaro's aspd runs in his family"

i did Nawt get an adhd diagnosis till i was an adult but i knew i had it ever since like, the second grade. i was a very smart kid lmfaaaoo 😭 but GOOD LUCK GETTING DISABILITY!!!! im in that crossroads where i WANT disability so bad because i fucking hate working i hate it so much and i keep getting fired bc i backtalk my managers (yaay poor impulse control!!) but also disability payments are a fucking pittance and if i get married i lose them 😭 but who knows maybe once i move more jobs will be there and i can find something i like so it doesnt feel like im slowly dying! tbh in my case i do have some unknown Mystery Crippling that i use a wheelchair for part-time, but then i just... like... improved dramatically? out of nowhere?? my only explanation is danganronpa cured my disability bc it happened literally right when i replayed the games. thanks atua

(also mood!! a good chunk of my soulbonds while spiritual in origin, take traditional system member roles, and my first lil guy was totally unintentional but i later started doing it intentionally and i still find it very fun!! my first was BILL CIPHER talk about god throwing me in the fucking deep end w this mf!!! we were (still are) besties tho. despite the curse.)

QUASTION TIME W LYRE!!! 🔥🔥

so like, the chronic boredom itself is a big symptom people miss, ESPECIALLY how like. the boredom and disconnect from people causes depression which ofc makes substance abuse and addiction problems a lot worse. bc i get bored so easily i have a VERY addictive personality and if i didnt live with someone id be fucked tbh like. i would probably be homeless bc id spend all my money on shopping or ebay bidding or drugs. or all 3. ALSO im adding this here, i have a whole post on it on my other blog, but the WAY the "lack of remorse" symptom works is very misinterperted, i talk abt it in depth on the post!

half n half! the signs i see could mean ANYTHING, but i project. but the signs are that like... lbr... he is WAY too fucking calm about his situation, to the point where its literally the first line of my fic 😭. kaede's line about how it seems like hes done this before is meant to be foreshadowing of his ultimate survivor thing, but like... HE DOESNT REMEMBER THAT!!! this is just his personality, hes just Like That! ive known a bunch of pwaspd and one of the Fun Stereotypes abt us is that we r like, oddly chill w literally whatever. so im like... hmmmm. also his scary sprites like, this boy is just a little bit not normal so im like hmm... wouldnt it be fun if..... and then the rest is history!

grabs the world by the throat. we can have feelings we can have loved ones we can HAVE FEELINGS WE CAN HAVE LOVED ONES!!!!! we can feel remorse too, THATS ONE SYMPTOM OUT OF LIKE EIGHT AND REPRESSING THE FEELING COUNTS!!! also people tend to forget this bc they see aspd as Uniquely Bad, but we have good times and bad times, symptomwise! OH WAIT NO. THE RECOVERY RATES. THATS THE WORST MISCONCEPTION. people think aspd is uncurable when it does in fact tend to taper off in your 50s AND theres like a 27% rate of full remission and a 36% rate of improvement w/o remission (i saw this in two different studies but my dumbass did NOT bookmark them 😭 source(s): trust me bro ALSO EVEN IF these r wrong... how much of that low improvement rate is therapists not knowing how to deal w aspd patients)

also i just realized that the post tragedy danganverse would have a sociopath moral panic kinda like the narc abuse thing nowadays bc of junko Fitting The Profile (i do believe she has aspd like it fitsssssss ngl, hey man they cant all be winners!)

@kindlyre

Okay I'm VERY curious as to what mental illness you're writing Rantaro to have because it seems to be one of those stigmatized ones and I'm v curious???

[cryingbilldenbrough]

*whispers* I heard this is the place so go to talk about sad Bill Denbrough? So: I wish more people talked about how Depressed Bill is. Like even before IT/after he forgets, he's been bullied all his life for something he can't control (stuttering), he's grieving for his brother, he's dealing with guilt over Georgie s death, he's dealing with neglect from his parents/them subtly blaming him.. .. why do we not talk about this more?! I cry. More fics and headcanons need to address this ya feel

1. LMAO where did u hear that? i mean you’re right but god i cannot believe my reputation precedes me so much? 

2. ok u wanna talk sad bill denbrough? let’s talk sad bill denbrough!

bill turns 18 on a snowy day in december. 

it’s cold in his dorm room, dusty and hazy with morning light. there’s frost on the windowpane, slanting the light into fractal pieces and bill sits up to brush his finger through the ice. it burns a little, in comparison to skin that’s been bundled up under bill’s three blankets for the entirety of the night, but bill has always loved the cold. 

bill sits up in bed and stretches, shivering and watching his breath waft out of his mouth in a fog. he leans over flicks on the heat, rubbing his hands together.

there’s no fanfare. his roommate must have stayed over at his girlfriend’s house last night because his bed is mussed but empty. there’s no note, no text telling bill he’s coming back later. it’s saturday morning and bill is spending another birthday alone. 

it’s certainly not the first. bill remembers hazily spending a lot of his birthdays on his own, but he can’t quite remember why. was it because his parents were out of town? hmm, that must have been it. there’s no other explanation. 

he finally climbs out of bed, shuffling to the bathroom to jump in the shower. he turns the water as hot as it’ll go but it’s still too cold. the pipes groan and the water pressure is shitty and bill longs for the days when he could take hour-long showers. 

well. it’s less longing and more a want to be back on schedule. because somehow bill remembers taking long showers at least once a week when he lived back home, turning on the water hot enough to steam the entire room in moments and sitting down in the corner of the tub and letting it beat down over him. he doesn’t know how long he used to stay in there, letting the water turn his skin an angry red, but he can almost feel the needling water mixing in with salty tears. he remembers opening his mouth wide and swallowing the burning water from the faucet, hoping to fill himself up, to let the heat enter his body and warm his insides and fill all his nooks and crannies that felt gaping and open. 

bill’s suddenly blinking back tears, assaulted by a sadness he doesn’t understand. 

they’re only there for a moment and then the lukewarm water is washing them away, down the drain. bill finishes his shower with a lingering pain in his chest, a lump in his throat that wont go away no matter how hard he swallows. 

his mom doesn’t call. 

it’s not like bill really expected her to, but he’s disappointed nonetheless. he thinks it maybe would have been nice to hear her voice for the first time in a few months and he’s pretty sure she didn’t forget today was his birthday because it’s his Golden Birthday, turning 18 on the 18th. 

the phone doesn’t ring. it sits on his roommate’s desk and stays silent as bill dresses and brushes his teeth and makes a quick breakfast. 

he tries to linger on getting ready, to convince himself he’s doing anything other than just waiting for his parents to call, but it’s all a lie. it’s nearing noon when bill sighs and gives up, giving the beige rotary phone one last lingering glance before he leaves, locking the door to his cold room behind him. 

he decides to spend the rest of the day in the library. 

the stacks are warm, familiar and bursting with the heavy scent of paper and ink, and bill pulls up a seat at one of the study tables to write. 

the building is empty today, quiet and peaceful on a saturday afternoon. bill climbs up to the second floor, to a balcony that overlooks the entire library. sunlight filters in through large high-up windows and bill borrows a pen from the front desk and cracks open his notebook to work on his latest short story. the balcony is full of students and adults alike, each caught up in their lives, and bill lets their quiet sounds of work soothe him into his own. 

he gets lost in the writing, letting the world around him fade to dull muted tones as he crafts characters and plots and by the time he drifts back to reality the sun has set behind the windows and shrouded the library in flickering fluorescent light. he cracks his knuckles and then his neck and dares to take a peek around at the other patrons.

it’s down to just him and one other boy, a kid with sandy blonde hair who’s tucked in at a desk in the corner. his head is bent over the desk, writing lazily on a set of blueprints and bill wants to get closer, to get involved in the other student’s work but that would be rude and bill doesn’t even know where the thought comes from. 

he’s just about to pack it in, to deem this another saturday wasted and spent alone in his own head when a loud crash from downstairs startles him. he snaps his head up, looking over the side of the balcony down to find the source of the sound. out of the corner of his eye he sees the boy in the corner look to, getting up out of his desk chair in a flash to survey.

the downstairs is quiet. from where bill’s sitting he can see there’s nobody at the front desk, no friendly librarian sitting on a cushy chair and checking in books. 

in fact, the entire building seems empty. it’s a ghost town other than him and the boy in the corner and there’s this uneasy feeling in bill’s stomach, a jolt of fear that feels familiar and damning and so so right at the same time. it’s a rush of adrenaline and memory of the taste of copper in his mouth. 

bill turns to look at the boy and there’s something familiar in his eyes too, a recollection of some sort that bill doesn’t quite get. 

there’s another crash from downstairs, almost like the sound of glass breaking, and bill’s out of his seat now. he walks with purpose towards the edge of the balcony, grabbing hold of the banister with white-knuckle fingers. the other boy is close behind, coming up on bill’s right side to peer over the side. bill feels distantly that it’s right to have this boy at his side, that it’s good and familiar to turn his head and see someone at his shoulder, awaiting command. 

it’s a strange feeling and bill shakes it off. 

he’s just about to ask the boy what he thinks about going downstairs when another sound rings out.

it’s different this time. 

because bill swears he hears a balloon pop. 

it’s an impossible sound, but unmistakable. it’s startling and unexplainable and for some reason fucking terrifying. bill can feel his hands shaking and there’s a trembling on his tongue, the feeling of a silent stutter working its way to the front of his mouth and there’s this split second when bill remembers. 

the clown and the sewers and georgie and his friends and their power and his internal compass is going wild, pointing in all these different directions and bill is disoriented and dizzy and faint and the fluorescent lights seem to be flickering and there’s a draft at the back of his neck that makes all the hair on his skin stand up on end. 

he blinks and the moment is over. the boy at his back is a stranger and the librarian is back sitting behind her desk. bill can see her now, knitting needles in her hands as she hums absentmindedly and when bill tries to recall the sight of the empty chair a moment ago, he comes up empty. it’s like he climbed out of his seat in alarm for no reason. like he imagined the last ten minutes. 

he turns and the boy at his back is gone, retreating down the stairs with heavy bootfalls and bill watches him go with a melancholy kind of feeling, like he missed something. 

bill packs up his stuff, feeling a little ill, and walks home in the cold, feet freezing in his worn boots. 

his roommate is still gone when he gets home, bed made now as if he’s come back in the middle of the day just to make his bed and remind bill how alone he is. 

bill heats up dinner and reads a book and tries not to think about calling home, about dialing his parents’ number and being sent to voicemail and having to stutter out an explanation for his call past the lump in his throat. 

he turns to the bookshelf and grabs down his picture of georgie, the last thing bill has kept from home. it’s old and dusty and the picture is frayed a little in the corner but it’s georgie and bill can’t bring himself to throw it away. he always gets a little teary when he looks at it, a little sad over his brother who was taken too soon in some way that bill cant honestly remember tonight, and this night is no exception. bill runs his fingers over his brother’s gap-toothed smiling face and lets the tears run down his cheeks

“happy birthday, bill,” he whispers to himself, broken and stutter-free and somber. there’s no response, no echo to his spoken pain, and bill falls asleep with tears drying on his cheeks and his brother’s picture sitting on his bedside table. 

send me prompts/headcanons/requests!

[tscmu]

first dates with haikyuu boys :)

pt 1. - msby black jackals

genre; kinda fluff idk?? just kinda cute early relationship tings

warnings; secondhand embarassment, lil suggestive comments ( from atsumu who am i kidding )

characters; bokuto, atsumu, hinata + sakusa

all characters r timeskip and 18+ !!

koutarou bokuto

- bruh youd be terrified for this date like.. a guy youve hardly spoken to with a massive personality asking you to meet him at a tiny cafe.. ok

- hed love tiny cafes though like the ones nobody are in so its just you two.. AWH

- dates wouldnt be a massive thing to him so youd be dressed up casual formal with light makeup on and hed strut off the bus in his kit literally sweating, just left practice and youd be like 😳

- you wouldve met him at a club like a week back when you were both off your faces and youd wake up the next morning with no idea what happened the night before, just like 10 texts from someone with the contact name ‘BokJUt OWks MAn’ asking you on a date.. why wouldnt u say yeah??

- it would go rly well !!

- i think itd be a bit slow at first, like youre both describing your lives when.. it happens

- youre both just aimlessly chatting, both tuning in and out of conversation waiting for the food to come when.. you hear it. the thing that you did that you thought NOBODY else did. and he does it.

- “and one of my roommates tsumu always yells at me because i collect stamps-” “WAIT YOU COLLECT STAMPS?? ME TOO BRUH”

- youd both have a joint aneurysm literally

- after that youd be infatuated with eachother ITD BE SO CUTE

- youd get the bill both like a lil tipsy, heading further into the town to just go window shopping in the moonlight

- UWUWUWUWUWUWU pls

- then hed accidentally set off the jewellery shop alarm pointing at a pretty ring and poking the glass too hard-

- when your taxi came he’d be really sad.. then as you close the door hed just jump in and find his own way home HAHAHA

- 10/10 date would do again.. and you did

atsumu miya

- oh you would be EXCITED

- until you found out his suggestion.. one of his own fucking games

- you just cut it down to the fact that he was a personal volleyball player, he was probably busy, yk?? but no it was because he wanted to show off to you🙄🙄

- you met him on the street like he literally picked you up on the street.. only he yall only he 

- well of course you liked him have you seen him 

- you exchanged numbers and were texting for like a week ( where he just begged you to come to a game ) before finally you said ok

- because its a date you didnt wanna bring along someone else so you just kinda showed up on your own and followed the crowd.. before finding out you were on the WRONG SIDE OF THE COURT

- he teased you about this for years to come and you wanted to burst out crying every time

- after finally finding the right seat on the RIGHT SIDE, the players came out and.. lets say you were surprised

- you didnt know that much about volleyball beforehand but.. d a m n

- those uniforms were hot😳😳

- the game went well and they won ( to his extreme happiness ), and then you finally got to meet him again

- it was subtle at first, like while he was signing shirts hed look over his shoulder and wink or something lmao

- thats until hinata and bokuto got to the area you were at and went feral, killing tsumus whole vibe HAHA

- “OH SHIT THATS THE GIRL HE INVITED!!” “WAIT IS IT- OH HI Y/N!! HES BEEN TALKING ABOUT YOU FOR AGES HE EVEN JE-” “BRO FUCK OFF”

- to which you just laughed your head off about

- bro he gave you a kiss on the cheek when he walked over making all the fangirls go absolutely feral.. twitter talked abt it for AGES even after you revealed you were dating 2 months after it happened

- you had to wait around for HOURS whilst he talked to interviewers.. struggles of being famous🥶‼🔥

- but it was worth it ofc

- he took you out to this lil restaurant when he finally got away and even walked u home.. such a gentleman damn

- “so when can i see you again.. and maybe a bit more ;)” “sHUT UP-”

- lets just say u definitely did that again-

shoyo hinata

- oh my god hed be more nervous than you were

- hed overdress like.. not full suit but pretty damn close

- i feel like hed not be that focused on women?? the volleyball grind comes first yk

- but when he made eye contact w you across the meeting table.. jeez he went feral

- bro when he was asked a question he couldn’t function you were just like ??

- atsumu basically had to ask you out for him after it finished he was so nervous HAHA

- you called him cute when he pulled up and he genuinely turned into a tomato like.. ushijima would farm him if he saw him

- hed book you a table at this really fancy restaurant ( with a lil financial help from kenma ) and you were genuinely shocked lmao

- i feel like youd work with the jackals as like a promoter or sumn and hed just be shocked.. like he didnt know you even existed bruh??

- because of that hed be pretending hed had his eye on you for a while ( to which you just laughed knowing he was trying to be cool )

- hed tell you to order something expensive but you knew how much those guys got paid.. yeah no.

- but hed warm up MASSIVELY like by the end of it after a glass and a bit of wine youd both be like peas in a pod literally

- youd go for a lil walk around the city centre before u found a taxi.. HED BE SO SAD LIKE HE DIDNT WANT IT TO END??

- hed go in for the kiss i know he would 

- youd be like ??? but kiss him back bc why wouldnt u hes a baby

- best date you’d had in a couple years by far

kiyoomi sakusa

- you literally wouldnt realise it was a date until the end i stg this man

- hed deadass show up to ur door and be like ‘cmon’ and youd be like EXCUSE ME SIR-

- i feel like you wouldve known eachother for at LEAST a couple months

- and he wouldve just done NOTHING like you didnt even know he felt a romantic connection to you

- but trust me he did

- he just didnt know the words to say :(

- but this is what the lads told him to do LMAO

- before u knew what was happening you were in the backseat of a taxi and he was telling them a street in the middle of the city-

- “oh we’re going out to dinner” “wha- i didnt bring my purse tho-” “eh.” literally

- you were kinda surprised because you knew how much he hated crowds and dinner in the city seemed unlike him, more like something you would enjoy

- but thats exactly why he did it 

- youd pull up and do a double take when he was asking for a table.. WHO THE FUCK WAS SITTING AT THE BACK OF THE RESTAURANT

- however after being motioned to shut up by atsumu you acted like you saw nothing

- it was just like the other times youd hung out but he was a little more.. interested in you

- not like suggestive, he just genuinely was asking about like how your day was, etc IT WAS CUTE AS HELL

- it was at that point you realised oh shit, this might be a date-

- when it was over you suggested going into the city and looking in shops for a bit, but the restaurant filled with people was enough for him lmao

- you got a taxi back and were standing outside your apartment door when he did something hed never done before

- MANS HUGGED YOU

- it was then you realised.. did he actually like you??

- spoiler he did

- and things were different between you ever since IM UWUING PLS

[smalltragedy]

* herman tommeraas, cis man + he/him | you know donovan mercer, right? they’re twenty one, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, four months? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to ice boy by corbin like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole fear hidden behind a stoic stare, bleeding from your nose and from your gums, and the night sky with all its stars, with all its mystery and unknown thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is march 15th, so they’re a pisces, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( james, 21, est, they/them )

looks away as i finally post his intro after being kinda awol fr however long. i love him a lot n hes also bri’s character mercy’s younger brother so u hv to be nice to him. think abt mercy’s life. then think abt ducky. im sry in advance tht his intro’s a little longer ive hd ducky fr like. a year or two n i’ve been playing him a While <3 as always like this if u’d like 2 plot n i’ll try 2 msg u bck bt otherwise im gna just hop right into threads bc obv i need to. change my methods.

ABUSE, VIOLENCE, DRUG ABUSE, EYE INJURY, GANG MENTIONS TW.

mini playlist.

father ;; the front bottoms / ice boy ;; corbin / lose yourself ;; eminem / my own worst enemy ;; lit / say it ain’t so ;; weezer / maps ;; yeah yeah yeahs / star stopping ;; lil peep / benz truck ;; lil peep / trauma ;; nf / northern downpour ;; panic! at the disco / your graduation ;; modern baseball.

statistics.

full name: donovan mercer.

nickname(s): ducky.

birthday: march 15th, 1999.

zodiac: pisces sun, aquarius moon, aquarius ascending.

mbti & temperament: intp & theorist / phlegmatic.

label: the despondent.

hometown: hell’s kitchen, new york.

sexuality: bisexual (bt not out). 

pinterest.

biography.

born in hell’s kitchen to vinny mercer and a mother who ran out of the hospital as fast as she could, as soon as she was able. she’d gone so quick that she’d never given ducky a middle name - just donovan. the younger brother of mercy (shoutout 2 bri)

his father’s the right-hand man of a well known mob boss named lars amaretto, and so, you can imagine the kind of environment ducky (& mercy) grew up in. weapon & drug dealings, interrogations, violence around every corner. a brutal way of living, no place to raise two children.

implied abuse tw // their father was not kind, or merciful - and ducky was a runt compared to mercy, small and sensitive and kinder than his brother. weak, and filled with softness, with big brown eyes and a smile that should’ve been able to melt ice - but it didn’t. and it never did.

he cried often, and was punished often for it until he learned to stop crying - at least in front of their father, and mercy too, at some point. only in the comfort of his room, with doors locked and blinds drawn closed. implied abuse end of tw

he dreamed, too, dreamt often. he’d been obsessed with outer space since childhood, as long as he could remember. school had once shown man landing on the moon, and ducky wanted that. wanted to be that, wanted to be there, up with the stars, discovering the unthinkable.

abuse mention // but it was discouraged, heavily so - projects destroyed by an angry fist only to be reconstructed to the best of ducky’s ability, with mercy’s help, all throughout the night. he’d saved up for a telescope when he was thirteen, but it’d been destroyed almost immediately when discovered. not a day went by that their father didn’t tell ducky that he was, first and foremost, stupid - and would always be. end of abuse mention

to the point where he stopped trying, simply. he never graduated high school.

abuse mention // anxiety mention // anyways … at the age of fifteen, he’d have enough. he was sick of the abuse, the pain - the crying behind closed doors, the sneaking around, the constant feeling of needing to escape, impending doom, anxiety attacks in the shower and in school bathrooms and at the back of the bus where nobody sat besides him because he was - that boy, the son of that man, the brother of that brute. he’d been a teenager and he’d already been an outcast by all means - an outcast in his family, no matter how hard he tried to appease vinny, and an outsider everywhere else.

the plan took months of preparation, paper ripped out from the back of his school notebook and stuffed beneath his mattress, details of his escape from a checklist of essential items to makeshift maps of bus routes to different cities.

all for nothing, the moment vinny discovered it, the edge of a map sticking out after a rushed morning.

heavy abuse tw // violence tw // it’d been the same day he’d gotten the nickname - ducky - the way the wound wrapped below his mouth, and the way it’d begun to heal - puckered, at first, like a duck’s bill. a better name than eyepatch, at the very least. the scar’d run from the arch of his left brow, across his eye, down his cheek, and below his lip. his eye sustained injury, and not allowed to see a doctor about it, it never healed properly.

eye injury // corneal scarring, impairing his left eye. astronaut dreams destroyed, but not in a matter of seconds. in the matter of an hour, maybe more - and that’d been much, much worse. 

he stopped trying to run away after that. tried to be more like their father, more like mercy - more brutish, less feeling. spoke less, and less. spoke hardly at all, unless spoken to first.

still didn’t matter. still lived his days in fear, still knew it’d never change. nothing would ever change.

the mercer brothers have been floating around the north carolina scene for ~5ish years now, trailing after their father who is consistently chasing after their mother with no luck. they’re currently residing in palm motel. can we get a hell yeah?

personality & facts.

he’s actually very? intimidating? when you first meet him. mercy’s younger brother, with a criminal’s record almost as long as his - a scarred face and a mean resting face. it takes at least five minutes of conversation beyond small talk before it starts to weigh on your mind that maybe, he’s not as bad as he seems.

and - well, he isn’t. but he’s guarded - so guarded. more-so than mercy, because mercy’s quicker to anger, quicker to react, and ducky tries so hard to drown out the noise. but he’s not a robot, and his facial expressions can give him away in a second.

he’s seen what happened when mercy had a glimpse of something good in his life (though, it wasn’t actually good at all - mercy had someone, at least. at the very least) - and how quickly it’d all fallen, and so ducky puts a barrier between him and others. distant, as much as he can be.

it hurts, because ducky isn’t by any means antisocial. he doesn’t hate people - he wants to be normal, wants to have friends and a girlfriend - or maybe even a boyfriend, god - but he’s so afraid. ducky is, by nature, a very scared person. terrified to his very core. he knows there is always eyes on him, and mercy too, and he knows that nothing is worth getting someone else hurt.

you know him as mercy’s little brother, and he’s quiet you know that - but his name is ducky, and you think - he’s not too bad. and he knows this, knows the doubts. knows that it’ll get back to mercy, eventually, that his brother is nothing more but a pussy. so he fights more than he’d like to, against the guilt that buries itself deep within his chest with every thrown fist. he throws up, afterwards, in the garbage can outside. too much to drink, he says, rare grin - because grins are convincing, and grins with bleeding gums are intimidating. he learned that from his brother.

violence makes him sick to his very stomach. he can’t watch horror films, or even action films, without feeling queasy. there’s been more times than he can count where he’d thrown up after a fight, or after an interrogation, usually in private but in the occasional presence of mercy.

they fight, a lot, sometimes - ducky’s too soft, too weak, and it’s bad and it’s terrible and ducky knows that mercy’s afraid. for him, of their father, and his wraith. ducky knows that if mercy isn’t hard on him now, their father will be on him harder. still. there’s resentment, small but there, like the flame of a match. he doesn’t know what’ll happen when there’s nothing more to burn, but he doesn’t want to find out. he’s afraid to find out.

he’s still in love with the moon and the stars, and the planet’s - and their moons, too. its subdued, now, though. a silent passion - one that is often not watered, left for rot. he sneaks into engineering lectures at the community college, occasionally, or physics, or whatever peeks the small curiosity inside of him.

commits small acts of kindness when nobody looks. doors held open, the meals of elderly folk eating alone suddenly paid. picks up litter besides trash bins, and always cooks extra than what he needs and leaves the rest for mercy. it’s these small things that make him feel, just the slightest, better about himself.

because god - there are layers and layers of self-loathing. it’s a labyrinth, and he’d never speak of it - but he can’t stand his own reflection. doesn’t keep photos of his family, only a few sparingly of mercy.

a liar, sad to say. has little experience with. ehem. intimacy, and the bodies of others, but lies often and says that he does. mostly to his brother, but word travels quick - and he’s not nearly as much as a fuckboy as is rumored, having only been with a handful of girls, if even that. it’s better this way - if people know that he throws others away like they’re nothing.

he ghosts often, too, if he does get to talking with anybody. the moment ducky feels a spark, something pulling at his poor heart, he ghosts. he develops feelings too easily, too often than he’d like. has left many friendships without explanation, because of this. you know the priest in fleabag season 2? the scene where he comes to fleabag’s house? yeah. tht’s ducky!

has maybe half the amount of clients that mercy does, but he’s working on it.

pretends he doesn’t care as much as he does. pretends a lot, like there’s nothing soft to him. but a trained eye can see clearly through this. even so - even if you can see that there’s more to ducky than violence and drug deals - you’d still have to break through a dozen walls.

in the rare occasion you get him talking - i mean, talking a lot - he’ll talk about space. ramble off a dozen useless facts about dwarf stars and black holes and all of jupiter’s moons. about a video game he likes, about nothing and everything at all. but as soon as he begins, he stops - embarrassed. apologizes, shuts his mouth, disappears to wherever. anywhere but there.

drug abuse // has a. complicated relationship with benzos n xanax n a various assortment of painkillers. ironic bc he hates drugs due to. his chosen career n wldnt do most of what they sell, bt yknow. this ws inevitable. hates beer bt forces himself 2 drink it bc toxic masculinity probably man idk.

overall just … he’s a soft boy, with a big heart - bigger than anybody else in his family, that’s for sure, but his exterior is far different than that, and it’s hard to tell.

violence mention // purposely loses fights so that he doesn’t have to severely hurt someone. because sometimes he just - he was raised in a violent environment, and sometimes he snaps. sometimes ducky just fucking snaps. and his vision goes red, and he can’t control himself - because need to survive kicks in, and violence is all he knows. if someone pushes ducky - pushes him enough, he breaks. he fights back. it’s all he knows. it’s all he knows. it’s all he knows, and that’s not an excuse - and he knows this, and god, he’s so tired. he is so. tired.

wanted plots.

u look good tonight ... ;; wld love a connection in which he is feeling emotionally compromised n maybe kinda hs a thing w someone bt hes like. very unreliable n kinda ghosting bc he is very afraid n it wld b maybe bad fr them to b anything other than hook ups. cld apply to smth very intensive or smth very surface lvl i’ll take thousands.

palms sweaty ... moms spaghetti ... ;; ppl tht ducky just hs fkn brawled. cld b anybody fr any reason. ducky prob lost n he prob lost on purpose bt also ur muse cld maybe kick ducky’s ass? cld b a fake fight cld b a real fight. cld b a npc fight n then ur muse cn patch up ducky? possibilities endless. maybe they hv a nice spaghetti dinner n both of them r both bruised up frm their fight. sometimes fights end in spaghetti dinners. thanks eminnem or whatever.

own worse enemy... ;; ducky needs friends bt hes bad at making friends n sometimes he fks shit up by pushing ppl away n self sabotaging n being a major cunt n sometimes he just ghosts bt hes always very remorseful abt it? this cld b a very like. up n down friendship of any type its just. where do they stand. r they friends. r they enemies. r they lovers? probably not lovers. prob just platonic. but still its the thought tht counts. 

and also ;; literally just like. anything. clients who buy off of him n like. casual friends n casual enemies n casual hookups. ppl hes ghosted. ppl hes embarrassed himself in front of. maybe ur muse tries to get ducky to socialize or maybe ducky is like. u are too much fr me. n ur muse runs off crying. endless possibilities all u hv to do is call this number now. 

[yikesharringrove]

omg i hope u don't mind me sending this but virgin billy who's trying to act all cocky and macho with steve their first time together Like That, and just pretending he knows everything there is to know abt techniques nd such, but in reality he's SO nervous and doesn't wanna screw up nd is worried steve'll try to coddle him if he finds out or mock him

Some v mild porn (bj)

Billy grinned at Steve.

They had just gone on a date. Like a real life honest to God fucking date. They’d been getting drunk and making out for weeks, had been hanging out and giving each other dark looks for months.

But Billy had finally gotten big enough balls to just ask Steve to dinner. Took him to the diner, didn’t want to risk anywhere that would look suspicious for two boys to be out together, just causally. But they sat and talked and had so much fun.

Billy wanted to keep it going, brought Steve to the quarry to talk and smoke and see if maybe something was going to happen. They made out, but then Steve had began running his hand along the bulge in Billy’s pants, and Billy had panicked and faked a curfew and had dropped Steve off, obviously sad and disappointed and probably thinking that Billy didn’t actually like him.

So Billy made a point to call the next day, told him he had a wonderful time, when can we go out next? They went into the city the following weekend. They talked about stories from Steve’s days as King, wild parties and anonymous sex. But then Steve asked Billy what his number was, did it in a kind of jokey way after Billy had teased him mercilessly for his answer of nine. Nine. At eighteen.

And Billy was gonna tell him, but he’d been too chicken shit and said seven and told Steve stories that he’d heard from his friends back in California, and Steve believed him because of course he did, Billy was like sex on legs, wouldn’t ever believe Billy was a virgin.

But he was, because he wanted his first time to be special, with someone that he loved, had never told anyone that, was embarrassed because he was a man, was supposed to chase tail and fuck soft, pretty girls.

So then Steve invited him to his house for dinner, and guided him to the couch, and kissed him softly, ad pressed his tongue into Billy’s mouth, and then he sat straddling Billy’s lap and he was hard, grinding into Billy’s stomach, and gasping, and sighing and Billy was gonna blow his load if they didn’t stop-

He pushed Steve back.

“Wait, just-just wait a second.” Steve’s lips were red from kissing, his eyes bright.

“You okay?”

“Yeah I just, I have to tell you something.” Steve looked at him with expectant eyes. “You think you could get offa me for this though?” Steve swung his leg over, sitting on the couch looking at Billy. He grabbed a cushion, putting it over the hard line of his cock, obvious in his jeans.

“What’s up?” Billy looked at his hands.

“I um, I lied to you. I’ve never actually. I’m a,” he closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. He felt Steve’s hand wrap gently around his wrist. “I’m a virgin.” He didn’t open his eyes, couldn’t look at Steve.

“Bill, I’m not judging you.” He opened his eyes to look at Steve’s soft ones, his hand still warm around his wrist. “Look, we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

“I just, I know it’s lame, but I wanted to like, save myself or whatever.” He was staring down at his knees.

“It’s not lame, Bill. We don’t have to do any of that stuff, I just like being around you.”

And Steve kept to what he said. He never pressured Billy into anything, would make out with him a keep his hands above the waist, if under Billy’s shirt.

He would look at Billy with soft eyes, and tell him secrets in a soft voice, and touch with with soft hands.

And Billy he realized he loves Steve, loves him so fucking much, it’s ridiculous.

“I love you so fucking much, its ridiculous.” Steve was laying with his head in Billy’s lap, looked up at him sharply when Billy said it. They had spread a blanket under the stars, out on a field on the outskirts of town, had brought wine and had made up their own constellations.

“You, you love me?”

“Yeah, I really do.” Steve smiled, his face soft and beautiful in the moonlight.

“I love you too. I love you so much.” He sat up, leaning to kiss Billy softly.

“I want to, I want to do stuff.” Steve pulled away.

“Are you sure? You don’t have to do anything.”

“I don’t think, I don’t think I’m ready for like, real sex, but I-” Steve leaned back in to kiss him.

“I want to make you feel good. Only if you want me to, Bill. If you, if you wanna stop, I will.” Steve was kissing at Billy’s neck, nipping gently at the skin.

“I want you to.” Steve groaned a little.

“Can I suck your dick?” Billy made a choked off noise. Steve was beginning to fumble with Billy’s belt. “Wanna choke on it.”

“Yeah, yeah, Pretty Boy.” Steve opened Billy’s pants, scrambling down his body to pull Billy’s cock out, giving him a few strokes.

Steve pressed a soft kitten lick to the head of Billy’s cock. He gave a strangled moan as Steve sank down on him, taking as much of his cock into his mouth as he could. He pumped against the back of Steve’s throat and Steve fucking swallowed.

Billy’s hand flew into Steve’s hair, yanking slightly.

“Fuck, Pretty Boy. That feels, don’t stop.” Steve hummed softly around him, made Billy’s brain short out just a little. He pulled off slightly, making obscene noises as he bobbed his head on Billy’s cock, looking through his laughs at Billy.

And then Steve ducked down, mouthing at Billy’s balls.

Billy was close.

Steve’s mouth was nothing compared to Billy’s hand, velvet soft and warm. He mad these gentle little noises as he went back to sucking Billy’s cock, set a steady rhythm.

“I’m, I’m gonna cum.” Billy had a fleeting idea of being embarrassed about cumming so quickly, but then Steve sped up and he was shooting off down Steve’s throat, holding onto his hair as his back arched. Steve swallowed his spunk, pulling off and licking Billy clean. Steve sat up, his lips shining, wiping at the drool on his chin.

“Was that good?” Billy was breathing heavily.

“That was so fucking good, Stevie. Best thing I ever felt, probably.” Steve flopped down next to Billy making a satisfied little noise.

[sunflowerhae]

-> you’re mesmerized ✉

-> love! triangle (Jeno, Renjun, OC)

-> ♡ ☾ ✓

playlist• heather, conan gray/Something, The Beatles/ flowers in december, Mazzy Star/ A BOY IS A GUN*, Tyler the Creator/ love again, nct dream/ soft universe, AURORA/ butterflies, kacy musgraves•

──────── ❝ 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭 ❞

•December 3rd plays in your mind as u and Jeno stand by his locker on the first day back to school from winter break.

•although it was a month ago, u still remember it like it was yesterday

•u and Jeno had gone to the fair in your town

•the last one of the year. They called it the winter festival

•basic

•but ur friend group had a tradition of going together.

•everything was going fine, until you and Jeno had broken off from the group to look at the phat christmas tree.

•you had forgotten a sweater, and Jeno was more than willing to give u his, along w one of his famous eye smiles

•u swore up and down (In ur own head) that that was the day you knew you liked (loved) him

•Jeno couldn’t stop staring at you in it. And when u turned to him, all he said was

•”it looks even better on you than me.”

•and then he kissed u

•yeah

•so this is love

•you thought something would happen when you went back to school that Monday.

•but nothing came. Just Jeno refusing to meet ur eyes

•or talk to u://

•Jaemin said it was because he was scared and that you just needed to be patient

•u accepted it, and waited for the day he kissed u once more

•by Christmas break, y’all were back to being best buds™️

•and you thought maybe when Y’all returned for school, he would have worked up enough nerve to seal the deal w you

•but on that first day back

•in front of his locker

•Jeno locked eyes on the new girl, heather, for the first time

•the way he looked was absolutely beautiful.

•he had wide, open eyes

•and he couldn’t stop staring at her as she walked by and Laughed at something her tour guide said to her.

•yeah, he looked absolutely mesmerized

•but it wasn’t directed at you

•and you knew you lost him

•by lunch, heather was in your group

•turns out Jeno had history with her. And he wasn’t as “scared” as Jaemin said he was at making moves

•all the boys loved her, and while you really wanted to hate her

•u couldn’t deny that she was an absolute angel

•she had an eye smile, like Jeno

•and dimples

•and long, beautiful eyelashes

•and a beautiful laugh

•and she could keep up w haechans jokes, and chenji so easily called her noona, something they never did w you

•Jaemin tried flirting w her, but Jeno looked so protective over her, that Jaemin turned to you and shrugged while wrapping his arm around u

•u wanted to throw up when heather politely asked u and Jaemin how long u had been together

•and Jaemin threw his arm off u, and made gagging noises while the rest of the table laughed

•heather got red, and mumbled an apology to you while bowing.

•You wanted to hate her, you wanted to yell at her. But then, ppl would know that you liked Jeno. Jeno would know. And that was too embarrassing

•so you smiled at her, laughed, and shook your head while holding up a hand

•”Jaemin and me? Please, I’d rather die a lonely virgin with 50 cats”

•Heather laughed, and scooted closer to you, and said “it’ll be so nice to have a girl friend!”

•yes, u wanted to throw up.

•but u just wrapped your arm around her, like Jaemin did to u

•and reassured her that you two were already getting married, while she laughed

•over the course of the next two weeks, she spent more and more time with ur group

•and in three weeks, it was no longer just you and jeno by his locker every morning, but you, Jeno, and heather

•you and her were talking about how terrible the lunch food was

•when Jeno came up, and wrapped his arm around her shoulder Before giving her a kiss on her forehead, to which she blushed furiously for

•your mind went back to four nights ago, when heather scream texted u (“JSNSISHEVRB”) that Jeno had drove over to her house with milkshakes, took her to a park, and asked her to be his gf

•u cried all night, four nights ago

•after he says hello to u, y’all three talk for a while before the bell rings.

•Jeno and heather start walking towards class, talking about some random thing, while u walk slower in the back, basic third wheel style

•you couldn’t stop staring at their interlocked hands.

•u felt bad. Because heather had easily become ur best girl friend

•but u loved her boyfriend

•and u lowkey wanted her to die

•:/

•u felt like this wasn’t fair.

•u had known Jeno far longer than she did

•why did she get him?

•your thoughts silently went on like this for three more months after this incident.

•May 1st.

•every 1st, your group developed a routine of going to this cafe, just down the street from haechans house

•you would all order milkshakes and fries and sometimes burgers or onion rings

•and you would all just have a good time

•you were feeling a lil down today

•heather had told u that her and Jeno kissed for the first time, and said they loved each other

•to make literally all matters worse, she was wearing the sweater Jeno had let u wear, all those months ago

•the pain in ur heart had numbed. It didn’t hurt so bad anymore everytime you saw them w interlocked hands, or w his arm around her, like now, where they sat across from you in the half circle booth.

•you couldn’t stop looking as ur usual waiter, Jane, came up.

•”hey y’all, I hope you don’t mind, but we have a new worker that needs training, and since y’all are so sweet, I figured he could practice on you? Is that okay?” Her sweet southern bell accent made it hard to say no, not that your group of friends would anyway.

•u actually knew Jane quite well. She was in ur grade, and sat next to you in art.

•u loved her honestly

•u also loved how the blush on Haechan’s face increased, and he couldn’t look up to meet the sweet red heads eyes, which were actively looking at the young boy

•ah, young love

•u made a mental note to talk Haechan up to her tomorrow in art (which you texted Haechan under the table, and he looked up at u in surprise with a smile on his face)

•when u looked away from Haechan, up to the new waiter standing in front of you with a shaky voice and nervous eye

•u felt like the air was sucked out of u

•oh my God that’s the most beautiful boy I’ve ever seen

•you knew u looked mesmerized

•wide eyes, open mouth

•u looked like jeno, three months ago

•jeno saw this

•he didn’t say anything, but he saw it

•tbh, jeno did like u on december 3rd

•and he was going to tell u he liked u on the first day back, after break

•but heather was,,

•amazing

•the one thing he ever needed

•his soulmate, he thinks

•that didn’t mean he still didn’t care for u

•but when u so willingly befriended heather, he thought u were okay

•so he never questioned it

•but the way you looked at the waiter,,

•he thought you looked mesmerizing

•so he was going to help u, bc u deserved it

•when the waiter got around the table and finally turned to you to ask for ur drink, he locked eyes on u and

•my man dropped his pencil pad

•he got so red, and went to pick it up, but halted when you started giggling at him

•he sent a smile ur way, then went to reach to get the pad

•renjun had liked u since freshman year

•he hated biology, but ur beautiful smile and the way you threw your head back when you laughed made it waayyyy more bearable

•he had never talked to you, and barely saw you when sophomore year came around

•but that didn’t mean he didn’t think abt u

•u were literally always on his mind

•he was so excited for Advanced Art 3 this year

•he had heard there was a lot of portrait drawings

•and he had gotten marked down before for drawing you for assignments when he wasn’t supposed to (not by much doe because they were THAT good)

•so he was excited to freely be able to draw u

•but bruh when he walked in and u were

•THERE

•ugh he was sad

•not that sad tho bc

•u were THERE

•he saw u a lot with the only other girl in ur friend group, so he felt too embarrassed to say hi

•but he promises his bsf, mark, that he would have if u were alone,,,

•all the damn time

•(mark don’t believe him doe, i agree)

•he had never looked directly into ur eyes

•which is why everytime he drew u, he felt like the eyes were wrong

•so wrong

•but he couldn’t place what it was

•but having u look into his eyes now

•my god he was so excited to go home and draw u

•but u,,,u were not excited

•bc wtf just happened

•u,,at the time,,didn’t know u had just met the loyl

•bc u had only ever really liked jeno before

•u decided to push that shit D O W N

•but jeno

•he was like “nah”

•he had said that he wanted to pay, and before anyone could argue (k like anyone would argue) he grabbed the bill and shuffled heather out of the seat so he could get out

•he grabbed her hand and walked towards the cash register, where jane was standing

•when u saw them holding hands it,,weirdly didn’t bother u

•all u could think abt was that beautiful waiters smile

•jeno and heather walked up to jane nd were like

•”jane, 🅱️ls get our waiter, we have to play cupid.”

•renjun: comes out from the kitchen

•jeno: “y/n, the girl sitting over there? yeah, this is her number”

•jeno: slides over the bill, w ur # written on it (he put it in the section that said “Tip_______” bc he thought he was funny. like, ur tip is a whole ass gf)

•renjun: blush

•jeno: “just tell her who u are bc she doesn’t know we’re doing this but we can tell y’all like each other uwu”

•renjun: huh *sweat*

•jeno: “mkay byeyeeeee”

•renjun indeed did text u that night

•after texting mark first (“JAJSNSNDBSBDBD BRUH GUESS WHAT JUST HAPPENED” “new phone who dis” “MARK DIS IS SERIOUS DIENDJAJSB”)

•and mark coached him through what to say

•so naturally, renjun looked like a fucking idiot

•but u thought it was cute uwu

•and u were sharpening ur ax to literally murder jeno uwu ❤️✨🌙😌

•when renjun asked u if u wanted to go on a date uwu

•and u were like “ummmm yeth”

•u agreed y’all would over the weekend

•but yet

•when u walked into art the next day and bumped into a rando

•and looked up

•and you and renjun locked eyes

•u had a feeling y’all would be hanging out sooner than the weekend

•the thought had u smiling wide while you said hello

fin.

──────── ❝ end ❞

[dottie-wan-kenobi]

song lyrics I use to characterize Dick Grayson

This is definitely not everything (& I would love to do more) but it’s also Extremely Freaking Long so. Many thanks to @zitkaplushie for chatting w me abt this! I would love to hear your thoughts/additions/etc. If u disagree w any of these, feel free to debate w me but please be civil!!

— OVERALL:

Drag Me Down by One Direction: okay there are tons of parts that fit but this line is the best: “I've got fire for a heart / I'm not scared of the dark / You've never seen it look so easy”

I think this one is kind of straightforward lol but. The first line kind of tells me that Dick is passionate, and feels more with his heart than his head. The second line is just kind of a tongue in cheek thing like obviously he’s not. And the third one is both Dick’s confidence and also that it’s just TRUE. He makes things look easy, all kinds of things. It’s just a fact. 

High Hopes by Panic! at The Disco: ugh this has such good lines but this one: “Mama said / Burn your biographies / Rewrite your history / Light up your wildest dreams / Museum victories, every day / We wanted everything, wanted everything”

So I think “Mama” thru to “dreams” ties back to him becoming Nightwing, or going through different identities and kind of letting himself go with it to an extent. Like he doesn’t let it hold him back. The rest of it, like...that’s just Dick’s superheroing career. “We” in this case could be him and Bruce, him and the Titans, him and Damian, etc etc

Catch My Breath by Kelly Clarkson: um. the whole song. the whole thing. buuuut one line I’ll analyze will be: “I don't wanna be left behind / Distance was a friend of mine / Catching breath in a web of lies / I've spent most of my life / Riding waves, playing acrobat / Shadowboxing the other half / Learning how to react”

“I don't wanna be left behind” - he knows this feeling well already and doesn’t want to relive it

“Distance was a friend of mine / Catching breath in a web of lies” - he has like no civilian friends in canon, and even then he’s always lying to somebody about something. There aren’t many people he can be truly close to and open with, other than like Donna and Roy and Kory

“I've spent most of my life / Riding waves, playing acrobat / Shadowboxing the other half / Learning how to react” - idk, when I see this it makes me think that he’s just lived this life that isn’t exactly normal and he recognizes that

Birds by Imagine Dragons: this one makes me so sad but: “I know that / Ooh, birds fly in different directions / Ooh, I hope to see you again / Ooh, birds fly in different directions / Ooh, so fly high, so fly high”

So obviously Dick has lost a lot of people important to him over the years, either because they died or DC said XYZ and Dick’s relationship no longer has any rights, but. This is how he would feel about that. Grudging acceptance, hope to see them again, wishing them well. 

Dance Monkey by Tones And I: I had to. “I said, oh my god, I see you walking by / Take my hands, my dear, and look me in my eyes / Just like a monkey I've been dancing my whole life / But you just beg to see me dance just one more time”

I’ll mention this later on, but I think that Dick projects an image a lot of the time that isn’t what he’s really feeling. This ties into that - I think at certain points in his life, he just gets exhausted and wants to take a break, but he can’t. He feels like everyone is counting on him, either to do this or that, or keep up this appearance. Sometimes they really are, and sometimes it’s pressure he’s putting onto himself!

Icarus by Bastille: tbh this is a song that I think applies to most if not all of the batfam, but for Dick, this is part of it that I like: “You put up your defenses when you leave / You leave because you're certain / Of who you want to be”

I prefer the version of canon where Dick willingly decides to stop being Robin, but even in the way that he gets kicked out, this tells me that he’s steeling himself for whatever may come, and that he’s sure of his actions. 

Stars by Grace Potter: now THIS one is freaking sad. “All those times we looked up at the sky / Looking out so far, it felt like we could fly / And now I'm all alone in the dark of night / And the moon is shining, but I can't see the light.”

Again, he’s lost a lot of ppl!! I usually think of this song as him referring to his parents or Bruce after he “dies”, but it could apply to anyone really. And these lines in specific just make me think that he feels lonely without whoever it is, that he’s not in a good place.

Simple Man by Lynyrd Skynyrd: "Boy, don't you worry, you'll find yourself / Follow your heart and nothing else / And you can do this, oh baby, if you try / All that I want for you, my son, is to be satisfied"

Okay so maybe I hc that the Graysons were very much so free spirits who rubbed off a lot on Dick. But with that aside, to me this is Dick being determined to live a happy life, and knowing it’s going to be a struggle at times. “You’ll find yourself” and “if you try” are things that I think Dick keeps close to mind. Like, maybe he doesn’t know everything right now, but he will. He’ll figure it out. And he can get through anything if he just pushes through it.

Weight In Gold by Gallant: “I’m pulling my weight in gold / Call me anxious, call me broke / But I can’t lift this on my own”

I’ve already mentioned this but Dick has a lot of pressure on his shoulders, like all the time. And he’s also someone who reaches out to others, which is what these lyrics are saying. He’s aware when he can’t handle the pressure anymore and can admit it to himself. (I don’t think this fits him ALL the time, I mean it just doesn’t, but. Sometimes.)

Tears Of A Clown by Smokey Robinson: I really fuck with the idea that Dick is, still, an entertainer. that + the pressure he’s under = “Now if I appear to be carefree / It's only to camouflage my sadness / In order to shield my pride I've tried / To cover this hurt with a show of gladness”

The word “camouflage” stands out to me because I think sometimes the way he hides parts of who he is is to protect himself??? Dick can also be a prideful person, who might not want others to know that he’s been hurt by something they’ve done. 

The Show Must Go On by Queen: relatedly,,, this whole song fits him perfectly. but to do something not related to smiling: “Show must go on. / I'll face it with a grin. / I'm never giving in— / Oh—with the show. / I'll top the bill, / I'll overkill. / I have to find the will to carry on with the show.” 

This ties back to him hiding his real feelings, of course, but also it speaks to how he doesn’t do things by half. This makes me think about being Batman, about how he won’t give in to the pressure, will push through and keep going and uphold his dad’s legacy as best as he can

Pumpin Blood by NONONO: “It's so magical feeling, that no one's got a hold / You're a catalyst to your own happiness you know”

This goes back to my thoughts that Dick has this mindset that if he keeps going, keeps putting in as much effort as he needs to, then he can get what he needs. It’s also kind of those moments where Dick realizes that where he is is good, like being Robin, but it’s not great, and it could be great. When he decides to stop being Robin, it’s like he’s thinking, “I could be happier, and if I want that, I need to do it myself.”

Rocketeer by Far East Movement: this song fits in a lot of spots but. “Here we go, come with me / There's a world out there that we should see / Take my hand, close your eyes / With you right here, I'm a rocketeer”

Overall imo this is a shippy song but this lyric specifically could be Dick and anyone at all -- he’s the kind of guy who reaches out to others, who would enjoy showing people new things. I also think the last bit kind of speaks to how he can feel better and more empowered when he’s not going through things alone 

I Want To Break Free by Queen: “But life still goes on / I can't get used to, living without, living without / Living without you by my side / I don't want to live alone, hey / God knows, got to make it on my own / So baby can't you see / I've got to break free”

This goes back to a few things. For one, I feel that when he feels held back or held down, he’s VERY aware of it and doesn’t like it, and wants to have his freedom back. Another one is, considering all the people he’s lost, it’s like...he doesn’t want to live without them but there’s no choice, he has to. And finally, I also think this is to Bruce, like he’s feeling like he could do and be more if he weren’t being restricted by Bruce

Teams & Friends, Ships, Family, & Bruce under the cut!

— TEAMS & FRIENDS:

Young Volcanoes by Fall Out Boy: there’s a reason why I named my fic after this lol. “When Rome's in ruins / We are the lions / Free of the coliseums / In poisoned places / We are anti-venom / We're the beginning of the end”

I think that Dick really does enjoy superheroing, and that he’s proud of himself and those he works with for being courageous, kind, and helpful to the world. In his more positive moments, this is what I feel like he’d think of his teams and their impacts.

Home by Daughtry: I’ve always thought of this one as a batfam song but tbh I think it works better as a Titans one. “Well I'm going home, / Back to the place where I belong, / And where your love has always been enough for me. / I'm not running from. / No, I think you got me all wrong. / I don't regret this life I chose for me. / But these places and these faces are getting old, / So I'm going home.”

The way I interpret this is like...he DOES love Bruce, he does love the batfam, but ultimately when he thinks about home he thinks of his friends. This is kind of him talking to Bruce, at least in the second half. Another reason why I put it here is that there’s another lyric in the song that says, “I'm going to the place where love / And feeling good don't ever cost a thing.” In the batfam, as zitkaplushie said, love isn’t conditional or anything but it IS exhausting. It takes a toll on them. Love with the titans is just easier.

— SHIPS:

Make Me Feel by Janelle Monae: Dick is bi like this song and this line describes his at-times tumultuous relationships: “It's like I'm powerful with a little bit of tender / An emotional, sexual bender / Mess me up, yeah, but no one does it better / There's nothing better”

He takes comfort and strength from his relationships and sometimes that’s good, hence the powerful/tender part! But in all his relationships, not just his romantic ones, it’s (sometimes) easy for people to affect him

I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles) by Celtic Thunder: this fits all of his ships imo: “When I'm lonely, well I know I'm gonna be / I'm gonna be the man who's lonely without you / And when I'm dreaming, well I know I'm gonna dream / I'm gonna dream about the time when I'm with you”

He’s just a sappy boy who is in love. That said, I don’t think these feelings would overtake him!

— FAMILY:

Losing My Religion by R.E.M.: I read this heartbreaking fic recently that dealt with how Dick hid his feelings from EVERYONE and no one noticed anything was wrong, really, except Cass. so. “Every whisper / Of every waking hour / I'm choosing my confessions / Trying to keep an eye on you / Like a hurt, lost and blinded fool, fool / Oh no, I've said too much / I set it up”

Dick is more open than his siblings, but he does still hide things, especially from them. The line “I'm choosing my confessions / Trying to keep an eye on you” makes me think of Dick trying to take care of his siblings, whichever way he can

This Must Be The Place (Naive Melody) by Kishi Bashi: “Home is where I want to be / Pick me up and turn me round / I feel numb - born with a weak heart / I guess I must be having fun / The less we say about it the better / Make it up as we go along / Feet on the ground / Head in the sky / It's OK, I know nothing's wrong... nothing”

“Make it up as we go along / Feet on the ground / Head in the sky / It's OK, I know nothing's wrong... nothing” - this reads happier than it’s sang but I do think it describes the more positive side of the family dynamics! 

You’re Not There by Lukas Graham: this one is abt (all of) his parents :( “I only got you in my stories / And you know I tell them right / I remember you and I, when I'm awake at night / So give it up for fallen glory / I never got to say goodbye / I wish I could ask for just a bit more time”

There are times where the deaths of his parents & Bruce (and Alfred) weigh heavily on him, and that everything he does is kind of continuing on where they left off, or doing something they didn’t have time to do. I think he would tell his kids stories about them and that he would try to be as true to them as he can be. And then of course, “So give it up for fallen glory / I never got to say goodbye / I wish I could ask for just a bit more time” is kind of his relationship with his parents after they die

— BRUCE:

(I gave him a separate section bc I have a lot of feels abt them okay??)

The Ballad of Dick Grayson by Crafty McVillain: there are actually a lot of songs abt Dick Grayson, but I picked this one bc of this: “Broken hearts improve, but my mind's broken too / Show me how to hurt and I'll hurt them with you / I'll take on the world, I will fight for you / But tell me how to stop, cause now I'm fighting you”

This is abt when Jason takes on Robin but I like to look at this like:

“Broken hearts improve, but my mind's broken too / Show me how to hurt and I'll hurt them with you” - this is when Dick first comes to the Manor, and when he’s first becoming Robin. He’s struggling and Bruce shows him a way to cope. (is it healthy? lmao)

“I'll take on the world, I will fight for you” - this is just...any time really lol. Dick is loyal to Bruce (to an extent) and will fight alongside him, will do almost anything for him

“But tell me how to stop, cause now I'm fighting you” - then this is how it feels when they��re broken apart for the first time, when they aren’t getting along and it’s just a change from the past few years, and Dick doesn’t know what to do about it

Let You Down by NF: “Feels like we're on the edge right now / I wish that I could say I'm proud / I'm sorry that I let you down / Let you down”

“I'm sorry that I let you down / Let you down” - this could be pre-emptive, Dick kind of thinking that no matter what he does, he’s most likely going to let Bruce down

Like how Bruce is always that 8 year old who lost his parents, Dick is always who he was the first night he went out as Robin, desperately wanting Bruce’s approval

He wants the approval and hates that he does, it feels like it holds him down

The Chain by Fleetwood Mac: “Listen to the wind blow / Watch the sun rise / Run in the shadows / Damn your love / Damn your lies”

When I read these lyrics, I think about Bruce and Dick when they’ve been arguing, having a quiet moment (the peace after the storm, zitkaplushie said), kind of reflecting, and Dick just thinks, “I want you to love me but I want you to stop lying to me.” Or like, “your love comes with your lies and I don’t know if I can handle that [right now].”

Numb by Linkin Park: “I've become so numb, I can't feel you there / Become so tired, so much more aware / I'm becoming this, all I want to do / Is be more like me and be less like you”

There’s this moment in canon, before he even gives up being Robin, where he’s acting just like Batman, hunting down criminals with a single-minded ferocity that has his friends legit concerned for him. I can’t remember exactly what he felt about it when he kind of snapped out it but these lyrics remind me of that. He doesn’t want to be like Bruce, he doesn’t want to be Batman, and especially as a teenager, that last line is big. Overall it also fits when Dick IS Batman, and he feels like he’s kind of being swallowed by everything that it is

The Archer by Taylor Swift: okay I’m sorry I can’t pick between these two: “I've got a hundred thrown out speeches / I almost said to you” and “And all of my heroes / Die all alone / Help me hold on to you”

There are a lot of things Dick doesn’t say to Bruce over the years, or things that he wants to say but doesn’t for however long until he can’t hold it in anymore or it’s the right time or whatever. Ultimately that line just tells me that their relationship isn’t one with great communicating

“And all of my heroes / Die all alone” - Bruce ‘dying’. “Help me hold on to you” - Batman when Dick is him. Or it could be about Dick’s parents, and then Dick trying to keep Bruce alive as Robin/Nightwing

[tossertozier]

you mentioned possibly doing a ben or mike writing guide.. would you.. be willing to post a mike one. i'm plotting a fic and im struggling to get my mans down?? also i think abt ur fics weekly bare minimum.

hi there!!! i did my best. i tried to not sound preachy or like a know it all bc y’all know i can barely write. i hope this is helpful in some way!! disclaimer of of course this is all just my opinion & there’s no wrong way to write, you’re the only person who can tell your story!!

[[MORE]]

i think the first really important decision you have to make as Person Writing Mike is his

family & background

-are both of his parents alive?

-if yes, what’s their relationship like?

-if no, who’s his primary caretaker? what’s their relationship like?

-if no, when did they die? did he cope well with it? what’s his relationship with their memory like?

these are really really where you gotta start to write mike imo. or any character! i think one thing stephen king is to be admired for is he doesn’t neglect the parent-child relationship as so many people who write youth do. your parents are the most important people in your life for a long time. i don’t think there’s a wrong or ooc way to answer the above questions tbh. canon has really left a wide open field for you to run amuck in.

(example: i’ve mentioned in the past that my & tfat mike being a small adult is no mistake and intentional. it’s a bit of a throwaway scene, but i mention in on pointe that mike’s parents are coming. it’s intentionally done there too. mike is goofier, more outgoing, more immature in general in that fic in the small bits he’s in & that’s all a response to his familial life. )

culture + friendships

after you answer those questions, important follow up questions are:

-are the losers his first set of friends?

-how much social exposure has he had?

-has he dated? who is he attracted to?

-who influences him? (celebrities, family, culturally)

-what are his cultural interests? what does he do in his free time? how would that impact how he interacts with the rest of the world?

again, no wrong way to answer these. i’ve seen a super broad spectrum of indirect answers to these questions. even thinking about where he might pick up patterns of speech can make him feel much more like a realized character. i’ve noticed some people dip fully into aave to an extent that doesn’t even seem logical in their character’s current situation & it can really seem like a caricature, but i think to write mike without any sense of aave at all is a little ?? too. just be cognizant of it is my only real advice here. it doesn’t so much matter as long as you don’t forget who mike is which next point

humor & personality

-what do you think he would find (shows, comedians, youtube videos) really funny?

-does he have something he quotes often? something he started saying ironically but never stopped?

man i know i’m all there’s no wrong way to write mike !! in this post but i will say real quick that i think mike is funny and i don’t really respect depictions of him where he’s not. i think this is where the movies really just fucked up. book mike drops some of the funniest lines of the book. and honest to god tip is to write out a scene as you feel the urge too, look away for five minutes, look back and give half of richie’s lines away. (or... dialogue.) this sounds like a joke but it was what i did when i first started writing & tfat

i’d always be like “n the funny part goes... to richie.” and thats a fandom inclination too. nooooo. avoid this trap. it doesn’t even make sense. have u ever been in a friend group where only one person... makes jokes? that’d be genuinely so weird. especially bc if you give the joke away to someone else, you can also build on it. amazing things start happening when u start thinking of the characters in flexible patterns. like for example, i almost always give absurdist humor to stan now. wholesome to ben.

mike’s humor is largely situational to me. solid comedic timing & he’s an observant person. sometimes i read back my own writing & have to change the pov bc richies making jokes about things he would never ever notice to make fun of. mike would. mike genuinely sees all. i think he’s just got one of the most analytical brain of the losers. & i think intelligence is subjective and people are smart in different ways but i think it’s foolish to write him as anything other than incredibly intelligent both academically and emotionally. he’s just a natural observer and pattern notice-er. which brings me to my next mike thing:

love & selflessness

i think the biggest part of mike being harder to flesh into a fully realized person is the fandom tendency to make him kind and nothing else. here’s mike. he’s nice. next. bc the book kind of points out his selflessness in his decisions and it makes itself one of his strongest character traits.

especially bc nice seems to trump him having any other emotions. ...no?

i believe in general, but ESPECIALLY in the case of mike, that kindness is a choice. it’s one i genuinely believe he’d make, over & over again. but a choice he makes. he gets annoyed with his friends being annoying like anyone else would. he gets hurt when he feels left out. he feels tired & anxious & hungry and all those other human things. sometimes he might not let it show outwardly, but there’s a difference between that and not giving him feelings at all.

people are selfish. it’s a defense mechanism. it’s to protect us. it’s not a bad thing. we think of how the world impacts ourselves first. we don’t always act upon those thoughts or voice them, but don’t forget to let mike have them. he doesn’t need to be happy for his friends all the time, or rooting for them or supportive. he should have his own things going on.

also. mike’s not a doormat. yes, he stays in derry. but those were life-death consequences for generations of children. it’s really not comparable to almost any decision mike would make in a pennywise free universe. yes, he made a sacrifice in the book but i don’t think he’d just lay himself down in any given universe to whatever fate wants to hand him. but this is where i end this topic bc i’m actually only barely beginning to get to this topic in my own fic!

it’s hard writing the losers young sometimes bc i do feel relationships are naturally a little unbalanced based on basic maturity levels as young people. sometimes friendships just are unbalanced bc of who people are at that time. everyone involved can still be good people in these relationships. it’s about growing together and learning how to be good friends to each other.

for example, in &tfat: certain losers are always checking in with others. others are really wrapped up in their own shit and don’t really notice what bothers the others. it would probably take a chart the size of a textbook to explain how i think this dynamic wholly pans out in full. and yeah, i think it grates on mike a little bit that he is always the checker and never the checkee.

but even when mike snaps, even when he gets upset, i always write it coming out of him with a lot of love. i genuinely think mike, regardless of experience in that fic, has the deepest understanding of love as its own concept and an understand of how exactly it rules his life and and his relationships. mike knows to feel strongly about something he has to care about it. there are lots of things he just doesn’t care about. in the book it’s stated he’s difficult to connect with as an adult. he’s distant. he’s focused on what he wants to focus on. i think mike is actually the most interesting when he becomes a little bit of a disaster man with very little time for what doesn’t interest him.

which last thing, dislikes & disinterests

-what annoys him?

-what makes him genuinely angry?

-what bores him to tears?

i always make jokes that i bring up the nastier parts of the losers bc i love nasty boys but thinking of things people don’t like is as much a part of them as the things they do.

for example, in &tfat, i write richie as making fun of “nerdy” things like anything you could find at comic con. i write bev as not giving a fuck about sports. bill doesn’t care about richie’s music tastes. eddie hates getting condescended to.

bc of the ... kind thing, mike’s one of the harder losers to do this with. i genuinely think mike would listen to any of his friends tell him about anything. & he knows, in return, they can’t say shit when he wants to ramble about history. but dislikes can also be super situational.

again, for example in & tfat: mike doesn’t like when his friends talk about college right now. no one is really being sensitive to him at all. he hates getting blamed for stuff that isn’t his fault, mostly bc it keeps happening.

anyway. i based a lot of my mike (mostly sense of humor and personality) off of a mix of real life friends of mine. it’s a luxury. i know. i’ve been blessed to have friends from literally all walks of life & for me borrowing little habits & quirks & sayings & jokes to slip into my fics and characters is my way of writing one massive love letter to those ive known. i hope i’ve helped you in some way anon. n if not.... don’t be sad i’m hardly one to take writing advice from anyway jandjxjx

overall, as i used to do often, i’d genuinely stop myself and say: is this a person, or a convenience for the plot? and if it was the latter, sigh, and get my backspace key ready.

[manyearsaway]

CHARACTER THING :3

tagged by:    NO ONE I TOOK IT FROM ME

tagging:   anyone 

𝐛𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐬

FULL NAME.     Brian James Rodgers NICKNAME.     bri, space cowboy, dumb baby GENDER.     male HEIGHT.     6′3″ tall glass o water AGE.     26 ZODIAC.     leo :o SPOKEN LANGUAGES.     english. ivan taught him some russian but he can only rly have the most basic conversations

𝐩𝐡𝐲𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐬

HAIR COLOR.     brown  EYE COLOR.     green  SKIN TONE.     he a white boy. lil pale but spends a lotta time outside tbh he probably sunburnt on the face a lot  BODY TYPE.     lanky boy. long legs. skinny baby (ok in the winter he has a TINY big more weight on him but not enough to rly notice). VOICE.       i think. a TOUCH of a southern accent. just a lil bit. comes out more when he’s angry than anything else, or when he’s being sarcastic. but like otherwise it’s pretty average toned/pitched and stuff. MAYBE a lil deeper than norm. DOMINANT HAND.     left.... to be DIFFERENT. POSTURE.     he sits and stands up straight for the most part tbh. he only really relaxes in bed. SCARS.     he’s got like the SLIGHTEST scar on his forehead bc he busted it on something in the ship. he’s got one on his right calf bc of some dumb shit he was tryna do when he was a kid (les be real he was tryna go to space from the roof in a cardboard box).  TATTOOS.      no but he wouldnt be opposed to getting something space themed in the future BIRTHMARKS.     he’s got a lil tan mark on the inside of his left thigh. it kinda looks like florida ??? MOST NOTICEABLE FEATURE(S).     TALL. he tall. his nose ? kinda wack. hair? amazing. perfection. touch it.

𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐝

PLACE OF BIRTH.     dayton, ohio (more like englewood, the outskirts of dayton that’s still a dayton zipcode but isn’t actually in dayton. u kno how it be sometimes).  HOMETOWN.    dayton/englewood ohio SIBLINGS.    non but he counts ivan zack and lukas since he doesn’t have anyone ELSE PARENTS.   james and dorothy rodgers. james worked on a farm n dorothy made quilts (( brian still has one tucked in his backpack )).

𝐚𝐝𝐮𝐥𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞

OCCUPATION.    an ASTRONUAT !!!  CURRENT RESIDENCE.    literally wherever the feels like livin CLOSE FRIENDS.    michael taylor, ivan bardin, lukas stillwater !  RELATIONSHIP STATUS.    sad FINANCIAL STATUS.    he gets like 5k a month from the association. they also pay all his bills for him SO FAR. DRIVER’S LICENSE.    he used to have one. but its expired LMAO CRIMINAL RECORD.    oh god no he’s a good baby ...... so get him into trouble .........  VICES.    chronically dumb. doesn’t know when to keep his mouth shut. bad at keeping secrets unless its SUPER DUPER IMPORTANT and someone he loves.

𝐬𝐞𝐱 & 𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞

SEXUAL ORIENTATION.     he bi baby. PREFERRED SEXUAL ROLE.     submissive  |  dominant  |  switch  |  top  |  bottom  |  verse.                    ( i? have not thought abt this too much but honestly tell him what u want him to be and he’ll do his darndest ) LIBIDO.     ok he will NEVER say no to sex. ever. but? he’s stupid. u gotta be explicit.  LOVE LANGUAGE.    looking at the stars together. having picnics. laying in the grass together. holding hands. nose kisses. spooning. telling them abt space (but like.... softly..... lmao) RELATIONSHIP TENDENCIES.    ok. you really really gotta be honest with him or he’s just not going to know. he’s only ever been with ONE PERSON since he was in high school so he just like. has forgotten everything abt dating. not to mention he just doesn’t have any idea how social norms work now. like talk about your feelings? beat around the bush? is going on dates acceptable? are there any dances to go to? what’s goin on? but as soon as he figures out that like.... oh man..... this person wants to like BE TOGETHER..... he is the SWEETEST BOY. he will talk ur ear off about the last thing he read or like (if he ever confides in them) what life was like when he was little/back when he was from. he’ll make little deserts from the 20s/30s that he remembers and he’ll buy flowers at LEAST once a week. he loves to just sit and listen to their day and whats goin on with them because he KNOWS he talks to much and sometimes he just likes to listen. he REALLY likes to just sit and read with them. curled up on the couch or somethin. just livin together really. 

𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐞𝐨𝐮𝐬

CHARACTER’S THEME SONG.   '39 BY QUEEN LMAO HOBBIES TO PASS TIME.    he loves to read !!! he love to reread his astronomy book and he actually rly likes to find old high school history books and go through them to figure out what the FUCK is going on, but he also likes to see the differences in how two different textbooks describe the same events.  LEFT OR RIGHT BRAINED.    left brain but brian would say that left and right brained stuff is dumb  FEARS.    never fitting in i guess?? at this point he probably a little afraid the association is going to send him back to space and he wont have a choice SELF CONFIDENCE LEVEL.    he a humble boy. he thinks what hes done is SO RAD but hes quick to build someone else up before him VULNERABILITIES.    HM. talkin too much i guess.

[guu]

dear future spiral,

a letter for my own reference once i’m not with charles anymore

hey dude! it’s me, you! with an important list of reminders from the past that you cannot forget, okay? so if you’re feeling scared, lonely, questioning your decision to leave, please read this over.

if you’re finding yourself wishing you had charles around, be it for emotional or practical support, i’m here to tell you right here and now on this sunny day of april 27th, 2020, that you need to take off those rose tinted glasses.

we both knew that leaving would mean you’d eventually start to glorify charles at least a bit since this is a HUGE step. (and forward, mind you!)

you’ve entered more than a new chapter in your life; you’re in a completely different story arc, and i’m so fucking proud of you. i’m scared rn about making the change, but look at you; you DID it!! absolute mad lad.

and lemme tell ya, this morning was the one rare time you asked charles if he would take the morning hours and let you sleep in a tad bit. he did respond the night before sweetly, saying ‘of course love’. now lemme remind ya that this morning he responded to ur prodding and calling out to with a resounding fucking nothing. he opened his eyes as u sighed and got up, no doubt stayed up too late playing with jaron. fucking. videos gaem.

anywho!! i AM rambling! let’s get to this sweet list of reminders you need:

first off, you don’t miss having charles’ help. you miss the idea that he may have potentially helped you, but i can say that he barely fucking did, alright? it was drops in the barrel, no, no even that. more accurate to say that every once in awhile when you were completely overwhelmed he would bring a bucket over to the barrel and toss the water out over it, and it’d splash EVERYWHERE, and well, yeah SOME of that water would land in the barrel.

his help quite often left cleanup work, came too late, and made u wish u just did it urself, and you learned to just do it urself. because we knew better.

he’d bitch and moan and groan when we asked him to do things after getting upset when he’d sit on his ass for hours, we’d bring it up again and he’d say ‘oh i forgot’ or ‘yeah yeah i already said i’d do it’ remember that? haha

“oh his cooking was so good...” bitch.... so is urs. u absorbed all his best recipes, u know how to read a recipe now. ur fine.

‘but muh anxiety... he was rly dependable to get things done for me’

no, no sweetheart please... he wasn’t. you really wanted him to be a wall you could lean on, but he wasn’t. any good he did for you did not outweight the bad.

don’t fondly remember that day you came home from work and collapsed on the floor from exhaustion and he came over, took off your shoes, and helped you into bed.

remember those heated “arguments”

notice the p..it’s early the air quotes w/e.

they were always so fucking one sided bc of how stubborn he was that he broke you every time. drove u insane and deeper and deeper into depression.

yes, it was 11 years of ur life u spent together. 11 years in hell bc we didn’t get out sooner. we shared a lot together, we shared our lives, we knew everything abt each other.

he knew how badly u needed to be who you are, a man, and forced you away from it.

i doubt i need to remind u of the real early stuff like how he slowly isolated u from all ur friends when u were pregnant with xander at the ripe young age of fucking seventeen. the 20 yr old creep. yes honey, the gap mattered okay? it was still messed up even if it felt like we were close enough in age u couldnt blame him.

he graduated highschool (and remember he was held back a year) and the next year that fucking sad sack creep picked u up after school, this lil 16 year old, and he shoved you in an evening dress, smeared lipstick on u, and made you a mother before u were ready.

you pulled it off, we love our kids!! yeah!! but don’t let that make u forget that this was poison from the beginning. and it didn’t get better. he just changed in which ways he was awful.

let’s bust out a classic. look at this photograph

aww so sweet! that was a lovely day :)

it was Not. a lovely day. you two traveled behind brooke around the park for the photoshoot while he chewed you out. the whole fucking time. in between photos. he was bitter and pissy. he was a slimy 20 year old scolding you for not being mature enough. i canNOT stress that enough!

now then,

remember all the late bills? all the times geoff came over talking abt back rent bc charles was lazy on payments and never shared the financial shit with u cause he didn’t kno how to do it without stressing u out like mad? remember all the stupid shit he burned money on? it was way more than the 1k gacha, that’s just. that’s just the stupidest.

remember how messy he’d let the house get. bc he wouldn’t be proactive and help u clean. it had to be a giant sweep like, once a month, and he would act so exhausted awaiting ur praise. he’s a fucking SLOB...

boy, idk what else to put here but i think i’ve done a good job for ya. thinkin abt all this stuff while i still have to deal with it is a god damn headache.

i can’t wait to be you.

i’m really fucking proud of you. thank you. thank you. thank you.

thank you.

with endless love,

past spiral

[imaginingit]

high school au!haechan

GUESS WHO’S BACK !! in case you’ve never met anyone that embodies SUCH a typical high schooler like hyuck before, here u go ! may or may not have done the quarterback and band geek trope . i regret nothing 

oh BOY

first of all 

let’s backtrack a little bit and talk about middle school!haechan too cause...,,, dude is a Mess 

was the sketchy one in seventh grade that sold like g-shocks and silly bands at the hill in front of the park every lunch recess 

had a power ranger lunchbox all the way up until he was like 13 lol when yukhei would be like.....hyung......What.

during the summer when the school staff are making up the lists for the classes everyone’s like 

“nO no way he’s in a class with renjun, renjun is the only person he’ll ever be afraid of i can’t have that dispute in my class”

“um. hyuck can’t be in the same class as jisung either...i once saw him try to feed jisung yellow snow saying it was lemon flavoured... poor boy believed him...”

“mark’s mother gifted me a box of chocolates last year with a note thanking me for my hard work and begging her son to be in a different class than hyuck. sorry, guys.”

the principal looks over all the lists and is like UM these are bullshit reasons, just put all of them together, how bad could it be???

ahem. BAD.

every science class starts with chenle and yukhei SCREAMING the bill nye theme song do u guys watch the vlives my GOD i thought chenle was hard to keep up with and nOW THERE’S LUCAS 

dodgeball during phys-ed is just haechan, yukhei and jeno absolutely slaughtering everyone

mark has his headphones in the entire time in art class and if one of the guys try to talk to him he just raises his finger and shushes them

jeno and jaemin flirt 

renjun, chenle and yukhei trying to win jisung over and then ending up just swearing at each other in mandarin 

anyway

has been the football captain since he was at the youngest age that was  eligible to even sign up,,,,, he’s that good 

always always makes mark walk home with him after practice 

so mark just sits on the bleachers with his bio textbook in his lap and glasses slipping down his nose, pages just flying left and right from the wind, bored out of his mind like fUCking hyuck i hate u i hate waiting two hours for practice to end just so you can show me your new pokemon cards at home ffs

everytime there’s practice before school, he’s always the last one to stay on the field, promising coach he just wants to try another long catch

SO because he’s always late this BITch just runs straight to first period with sweaty hair and practice clothes and athletic tape still on his fingers 

renjun: you disgust me.

jaemin: here’s my deodorant. and jeno’s. and jisung’s. here take all of ours take it please just take it oh my gO d

loves this sport more than absolutely anything honestly 

his entire bedroom is just full of patriots posters and banners 

his mom pranked him on his birthday telling him to open the box on his bed with pats tickets inside 

ran upstairs crying hysterically and fucking opened it to find a picture of his siblings going HA YOU THOUGHT 

resented them for the rest of his life 

but this boy also really loves music!!

always performs a ballad every year at the school talent show with jisung doing some sort of contemporary performance

his parents are both fans of old schoolers, like abba & elvis & beatles such, so he grew up with the beautiful combination of football on the tv and ‘mamma mia’ spinning on the record player in the kitchen 

during his final middle school year, he performed a version of his favourite park hyoshin song, and finished with the entire school in uproar, cheering and screaming HYUCK HYUCK HYUCK!!! YES!!!

and so he puts the mic back on the stand and runs down the stage to his teammates waiting in the crowd

so excited and and ready to jump into their arms

only to witness a couple of them standing there motionless and checking their wrists, as if waiting from the start for his performance to be over 

he sees the defensive tackle of his team, some dude that probably shaves twice a day and is beefed BEYOND belief 

“hey man, abt time you’re done, coach wants to run over some plays for next week’s game against yg tech, let’s go”

and that was it

the hoard of guys in letterman jackets pull him into their midst and before he could even complain, they mercilessly make their way to the gym as a group

with renjun, chenle, jaemin, jeno, mark and yukhei all just standing there like ... o ... ok ... we just wanted to congratulate u, hyuck...

donghyuck never brings that moment up ever and the dreamies don’t question (yes lucas is a dreamie square up)

from then on, they notice hyuck’s been humming less and isn’t even commenting about day6′s new releases or how renjun’s grandfather bought a brand new record player from the most expensive record store in their town 

donghyuck continues being the school’s star quarterback and having meetings with minor league scouts every week 

they know it’s a touchy topic and being as close as they are with each other, they don’t pry hyuck about it and knows he’s the type to hold it in but will bring it up when he has to 

but unlike what they all think, hyuck doesn’t explode in anger or spite 

he finally opens up on a regular friday night when mark’s sleeping over after finishing a hefty assignment 

and mark is surprised that he prods on this topic with, not anger or spite, but ,,,,, fear? 

“hey mark.......what if this is the only thing i can do?"

“what do you mean?”

“i don’t want to just be some brainless jock” 

mark is a little... stunned... he’s known him all his life and this is the first time hyuck has shown any sign of fear?? of anything???

mark just scootches in a little closer....”you’re not brainless, and this won’t be the only thing you’ll be good at, i promise”

BUT OF COURSE they never speak of it again hyuck’s just kinda like hahahahahha emotions what ahahahah sadness what ahahhahah

but graduation hits and before the dreamies (and yukhei hehe) know it, it’s time for high school

all the upperclassmen know him and think he’s a little shit but love him anyway, so embraced him and all his friends when they entered 

fascinated by how much wider the hallways are and how BIG  the school actually is 

gets lost MORE FREQUENTLY THAN HE’D LIKE TO EVER ADMIT OUT LOUD .

tryouts for the football team are on like the second day 

was so excited!!!! to play with his close hyungs and co-captains jaehyun and youngho 

coach personally came up to him and was like .... boi it’s so rare for a freshman to be on the varsity team, hERE’S YOUR JERSEY NUMBER AND YOUR LOCKER AND YOUR EQUIPMENT AND YOUR OWN PERSONAL PRACTICE SCHEDULE I’LL WORK AROUND U IT’S OKAY 

is treated automatically like the superstar at the first official practice and honestly doesn’t ..,,know how to handle 

he’s only always been around his middle school friends, aka people he’s known all his life and who know he doesn’t like being smothered 

donghyuck knows he’s good but again, will anyone ever look him past the football?

mark sees all this new attention he’s getting and his heart silently breaks a bit knowing hyuck doesn’t truly want all of this

the football, yes !!! the clout, not really 

but hyuck is a freshman!! and knows he can’t speak up quite yet so he endures this superstar status already bestowed on him and forces his uncomfortable smile away 

it’s ok !! he tells himself

it’s good to be recognized for something you’re good at ..,, right ?

but as years pass and seniors graduate and championships continue to be won, hyuck slowly climbs up the popularity pyramid with it too

so by the first day of senior year, having just recently started getting close with the captain of the cheerleading squad and throwing the biggest party of the summer break as a last hurrah a few days prior, hyuck walks into the high school doors as the talk of the TOWN

all those stereotypical popular pretty boys you see on tv namely um troy bolton um austin ames um finn hudson um scott mccall um YES 

that’s literally him at this point 

loved by all students for being a social butterfly and not ??? an asshole ??? to those that aren’t as popular

teachers adore him cause he participates in class and always hands assignments in on time despite his student schedule and always gifts them little holiday baskets at the end of every semester

renjun had junior year chem with him and almost threw his paper out the window when he saw hyuck’s mark

“how are you this good ,,,,,,,, when you don’t even DO anything?!” 

point is, he’s at the top of his game

and this year, senior year, the stakes for the championship are higher than ever; with hyuck’s school topping the rankings for the east, they’ll likely be meeting with the champion team in the west for the finals, and coach claims he hasn’t seen a matchup this neck-and-neck in terms of stats, style of play, and pairing matchups in .,,,, years

so there’s absolutely no screwing around this year - losing is not an option

but overall, haechan believes he has his shit planned out: there were assignments, then exams, then playoffs, then the championships, followed by celebrations here and there, and then hopefully a scholarship, followed by graduation and then college, and then it’ll just be the flower road from there

what he really doesn’t factor in, though, is a certain captain of a certain school marching band, swooping in to save his ass for the first time of many,,,,many more to come 

it happens on a regular tuesday afternoon 

you two shared the same stupid humanities elective class during last period, and it didn’t dawn upon him that a rough copy of this useless visual presentation was due today that he did nOT even know was even assigned 

the teacher comes around with her pointy ass glasses and a clipboard decorated in purple flower stickers, visibly softening at an obviously panicked hyuck 

“hello, donghyuck, ready to show me the rough copy?” 

“well,,,,see i-i um ,,, i”

THE ENTIRE CLASS IS SILENT AT THIS POINT BC

????? LEE DONGHYUCK FORGOT AN ASSIGNMENT? 

the teacher kind of urges him on, half in disbelief and half in pity at how scared he looks for the first time ever

he’s still trying to conjure up a plausible excuse, all the while LITERALLY WANTING TO HIT HIMSELF IN THE HEAD

ugh ur so stUPID, hyuck, he thinks, coach even ended practice early last night too and all u did was binge the last airbender for the 80th time AGAIn like a DUMBASS ugh 

so there’s a couple more awkward moments of silence 

until

“oh, ms kwon! i should have said something, haha we partnered up for this one! i have it on my laptop here!!”

his flushed face whips around and lands on you 

in your oversized knit sweater and cute skinny blue jeans ripped at the knee, round glasses threatening to fall from your nose 

and a surge washes over him he’s neve r ev  er felt before 

relief ?? ya, sure. we’ll call it that for now 

the teacher looks at you, then back at hyuck with an eyebrow cocked and you steal that moment to send him a nod and stern look in your eyes

he’s spluttering at this point 

“ye-yeah, sorry miss, just a little tired and f-frazzled i guess...”

the teacher kind of just gives herself a knowing smile, as sort of a “heh....alrighty then” but walks over to your desk nonetheless 

the entire class seems to buy it too, and go back to their white noise chatter 

hyuck lets out the loudest exhale before scrambling to his feet over to you just glaring at him with a knowing smile and your arms crossed across your chest

“i’m so soRRY I DON’T EVEN KNOW YOUR NAME WHY DID YOU JUST DO THAT FOR ME YOU REALLY DIDN’T HAVE TO i’m s o sorry i had practice late last night and holy crap it just totally slipped by me and-”

he stops at the sight of you bursting into a fit of giggles and is even more ??? confused ?? hes so frazzled

you: “it’s ok, you idiot, i know you always get stuff in on time anyway” 

and he shuts right back up and turns BRIGHT RED bc who even is this person? who’s so cute n helpful 

you: “i’m y/n btw!! i’m captain of the marching band for ur team” 

and the lightbulb visibly clicks for hyuck 

“OOOOH so that’s why you look so familiar!!” 

so the two of you chat away about playoffs coming up and the championships the last few years and how it’s so strange neither of you have crossed paths in the pass when you’ve had so many connections

and you kind of just smile and nod at that 

because you fully know why 

lee donghyuck, captain and quarterback of the football team

lee donghyuck, school heartthrob and teachers’ favourite

lee donghyuck, the social butterfly and the amicable figure in every situation 

he had always been there, practicing on the field in front of you as you tried to pry your eyes off of him and run the trumpet section one more time,,.,,,,he was always there, but always so??? unreachable???

you couldn’t pretend you never laid eyes on him on freshman orientation day when he was being stopped by every person he walked by to be high fived and welcomed to the team

and thought wow . his skin? his aura? the way his smile lights up the whole goddamn room? 

and you’re in a lot of classes with jaemin and always see hyuck drop by a few minutes before class to sit and goof around before getting lovingly chastised by the teacher 

but never reached out to say hi or anything 

he was always too unreachable 

BUT OF COURSE you don’t say anything and instead just smile at the ground and shrug 

“guess that’s just the way we’re supposed to be, you know?” 

and just as he was about to ask what you meant by that, the bell rings and you let out a breath you didn’t even realize you were holding 

like w Ow a whole 1 hour class w ur crush and he’s finally talking to you ???? TOO MUCH FOR ONE DAY 

you don’t even utter a goodbye  but just give him a bright, knowing smile, stuff your papers into your bag and leave for the day 

and even as the classmates pack up and the teacher is gone and hyuck knows he doesn’t have practice today but needs to get home bc he promised his mom he would help with her flat tire, he can’t find it in himself to stand up and leave 

he’s sitting there processing your words, and just,,,,you

“i’ve really been around y/n this whole time and didn’t even know it?” 

suddenly he just feels stricken with guilt and shame and remembers all the time the ball landed by the bleachers and you exCitedly running down the steps to toss it back clumsily 

he remembers always smiling back and saying “thanks”, but never quite meeting the eyes of the person 

he lets out a grumble and just plunks his head onto the wooden desk loudly 

chenle and jisung come bc they were all supposed to walk home together 

and just see a slumped hyuck bumping his head up and down on the table whispering “stupid, ,,,,, so stupid” over and over again

jisung: he did it oh my god it’s done it broke him football finally broke him HIGH SCHOOL FUCKING BROKE HIM 

so after fixing the tire and helping clean after dinner and finally lying in bed that night

he makes this silent promis e ??? to make it up to u somehow ?? 

you both wake up the next day, both w each other lingering in your minds, and both unsure of what to do to get rid of it 

though hyuck isn’t sure he wants to 

you both daze off during classes and stare at the back of the head of the person in front of you,,,,just,,, thinking 

and then it’s time for fifth period 

and you don’t think you’ve ever speedwalked so fast to a class before 

people start pouring in and as the second bells starts to ring you still don’t see his face and you decide getting your hopes up all day for no reason was just stupid 

the teacher is about to start the class before the door opens one last time and you see a visibly flustered hyuck shuffle in 

right into the seat next to you 

what you don’t know is two minutes prior to this, poor dude was in the bathroom rinsing his face and trying to do something, anytHING to get the blush off his cheeks but to no avail 

so the lesson today was about families and societies and you swear the next ten minutes felt like forty 

your eyelids start getting a little heavier before you hear the scratching of a pencil on paper 

he’s marked the side of your notebook with a little “hello ^-^” 

you try to conceal the beaming smile threatening to creep on ur face but you really can’t

you’re just a little whipped aren’t u

that entire class is then just spent doodling stupid things on each other’s notebooks and giggling and even had to have the teacher turn to you guys and give a stern look before realizing it was hyuck and just BEAMED 

by the time the class ended you were packing your stuff up to leave before he gRabs your hand 

“what the--?” 

he takes your thumb and places it on the fingerprint scanner before fiddling with something on it 

your mind immediately sprinted to the WORST IDEAS

“he’s hacking my instagram right now isn’t he he’s telling my family on facebook that i do drugs, isn’t he LEE DONGHYUCK GIVE ME MY PHONE”

so you start to fumble for it before he hands it back to you calmly,

“i’ll be expecting a text tonight”

and then he’s gone 

SMOOTH ISN’T HE 

and that was the start of the cutest friendship ever ???? 

you guys talk about anything and everything, from the colour of your room to his sister’s favourite food to the one time you fell from your treehouse and had to get stitches to the time lucas got stuck in a slide on a children’s playground when they all decided to sneak out at like 11pm at night and had to call the fire department to come get him out 

and texts eventually turn into calls and calls eventually turn into being inseparable at school

the boys LOVE YOU and immediately pinned you on their side to torture hyuck together

and as time goes by, all the boys start noticing changes in hyuck and how he would never do anything with them without mentioning your name

like they’d be out having ice cream after studying at jisung’s and he’d absentmindedly mention that this lemon ice cream is the perfect colour of your room and that yellow is your favourite colour 

or that the disco ball in jaemin’s basement is exactly the one you have dangling on the rearview mirror in your car 

so WINK WINK NUDGE NUDGE but the boys respect you enough to not tell you yet bc you deserve to have hyuck confess on his own

you guys hang out any chance you get and it isn’t till near spring formal that he comes over with some mcdonalds that you realize you’ve gotten so comfortable so fast 

so you both settle into the kitchen before he opens up the big mac, takes off one of the buns of the burger, to reveal ketchup dotted across the patty spelling “SF? :D” bc the patty was too small to spell the full words, “spring formal?” lol 

and you scoff and throw a fry at him bc of course you’d go with him 

and your heart’s just racing for the rest of the night

after dinner you head out to your backyard and lay a blanket on the grass to stare up at the stars 

hyuck knows a lot about astrology so you love just lying there and hearing him tell you about the lyra constellation and its myths 

you spend the night just giggling and laughing and shoving each other around before it starts to get really late and he knows he should be going 

but he can’t seem to move

and so he asks,

“hey, are you mad at me?”

and you’re a little,,,confused before you reply, “for spilling jisung’s apple juice on my laptop the other day? just a little, but i’ll forgive you if you pay for my spring formal ticket for me hehe”

he rolls his eyes and scoffs and says, “no you idiot”

you can’t think of why you’d be upset with him, considering it was just a regular night for you two

he explains, “you know.....for not really knowing you before this year”

your heart kind of sank bc you weren’t really expecting it but you also deep deep deep down seriously wished he would never bring this up 

it’s silence until you answer

“no, because i don’t blame you for it” 

“what do you mean”

“well...” you know it’s a tough thing to tell him but you know he’ll listen to your words

“you’ve just always been unreachable, you know? like i remember seeing you on freshmen orientation day and just thinking, you know, this guy is just something else,,,something i’ll never be. and over the years, i made my peace with that, bc that’s just the situation you were thrust in,,, you know, football and parties and stuff”

and hyuck’s heart sinks with each word because you really mentioned everything he was afraid of,,,,that he was only ever gonna be popular because of football,,,,and that he never really had a say before he was thrust into the social status he’s in now 

just as he’s about to clear his throat from emotions and get up to spout some stupid excuse on why his mom wants him home now even though she was probably already in bed, you continue

“but....now i know that’s not all that you are...you’re kind and smart and sweet and funny, and yeah you’re crazy good at football but you’re also crazy good at singing and science and fixing tires and vacuuming and playing with your little sister and making people laugh,,,that’s why you’re my friend now”

hyuck doesn’t realize how long he stares at you after you said that before you wave your hand in front of his face ((”uh dude.....”))

he feels tears welling up in his throat so he just lies back down and makes some nonchalant comment again, playing it all off like he usually does

“mhm okay yea enough with the sappiness i just wanted to know if the geeky band girl hates the quarterback captain like they typically do okay blah blah”

but you and him both know

you’re both concealing smiles as you lay there, staring at the stars 

he’s never heard anyone talk about him like that before 

and you’ve always known that he was still a little unsure of himself 

and maybe this just put this all to rest 

and as you both lay there with the sound of your own frantic heartbeats in your ears, you dwell on the fact that maybe it shouldn’t be beating that hard,,,,that fast,,,,

ANYWAY

senior year is going by, and before you guys know it, championships are in three days  

your school wins the semi-finals in dramatic fashion, with the winning touchdown seconds before the final whistle 

and you couldn’t make it to that game bc of a huge assignment due the next day but hyuck makes sure to call you as soon as he grabbed his stuff from the locker room 

“hEY WHERE ARE YOU GOING WE’RE GOING TO MINGYU’S HOUSE FOR DRINKS TO CELEBRATE”

“SORRY DUDES SOMETHING IMPORTANT CAME UP!!! HAVE FUN WITHOUT ME!!”

it was only a beat of silence before jungwoo just scoffed and shrugged, “someone’s WHIPPPEEEDDD” 

hyuck just blushes red and runs out in the midst of the entire locker room hollering and throwing sweaty towels at him 

bc he knows he doesn’t really have feelings for you, does he? 

these past few months have been amazing but it can’t be 

all he does know is 

how your hair smells like vanilla when you whip your head around to scold him for pinching your sides 

how your eyes crinkle when you laugh at some pun you read on reddit 

how your fingers get really bad circulation so they’re always cold and red and you have to make sure to wear sweaters during the winter to keep them warm

how you hate helping out the flutes cause they’re always screechy 

how you started playing the saxophone because your grandma did when she was in college 

how your eyes light up when someone mentions your favourite tv show character 

how you hate carrots but he always makes you eat them cause they’re good for you and you just sit there all pouty

how much he loves loves LOVES when you come over to just do nothing like sit on his windowsill and read or go through his old childhood pictures for the millionth time and giggle at every cute smiley one for the millionth time

he’s standing there in the middle of the field with his phone in his hand, dangling by his side, with you hollering through the receiver like “,,,,hello? bitch u called ME, HELLO?!!” 

and he just mumbles a “uh i gotta go sorry i’ll tell you about it tomorrow” 

and hangs up

cause fuck 

he’s in love isn’t he 

and he’s lying in bed again that night, knowing that he wants to tell you but he’s also so afraid, cause you’re his best best best (sorry mark) friend

and he’s never gotten so close to anyone so fast 

and he loves going to practice early with you so you guys can grab breakfast before 

and how he always makes sure to “accidentally” miss a toss and have it land on your head while you’re running a piece

so he tosses and turns all night 

before he comes to a decision

he knows the marching band always has practice on the bleachers every wednesday morning, coinciding with the team’s morning practice as well  

he rips his sheets off his tired body but surges up and runs to his computer, types in a few things onto the search engine and presses “print” 

it’s the next morning, and as you groggily heave yourself up from your bed, dreading having to deal with the flutes and their screeching sharps today, you also think abt hyuck and you wonder why he was acting so weird last night

but you brush it off as fatigue from a long and gruelling game 

it’s a beautiful day outside already at 7:00 in the morning, with just the slightest bit of chilliness and dew on the morning grass, and hyuck thinks it’s no accident that the sun decided to come out today too 

he holds the crinkly sheets of music in his hands, slightly shaking and profusely sweating, somehow nervous bc of someone he admires for the first time ??? in his life ???? 

he practically sprints to school, wanting to be there before you do

he spots the majority of the marching band already there and he sighs in relief when he doesn’t spot you

“hEy guys!” he runs up to the bleachers 

and he stops for a second before he realizes like ..... all these people look like deers in headlights bc ,, ,,,,,, the quarterback,,,,isn’t here with you?? aren’t you guys always stuck beside each other ????

“i’m s o sorry i don’t have a lot of time to explain and i know its confusing and this is gonna be such a rush but here !!!!” 

he hands out the sheet music to everyone there and makes them promise to not let you know about it 

everyone exchanges confusing looks ((one dude’s just like ‘fuck man it’s too early in the morning for secrets’)) but end up agreeing anyway and haechan doesn’t even have time to celebrate before he hears his teammates starting to make their way out of the practice room

he runs over to seungkwan, your best friend in band and someone who haechan knows won’t hold his word unless a bribe is involved

“okay look i know you’re y/n’s best friend but you have to promise me you won’t let her know about this okay?”

seungkwan props his clarinet on his shoulders, almost as if he was holding a baseball bat instead and does his best to puff his shoulders like “HMPH well what do i get out of this??”

“if you can establish a secret rehearsal time for tomorrow with the rest of the band where i can come and rehearse with you, i’ll set you up with our running back” bc god fucking knows vernon and seungkwan have been crushing on each other for years but have never had the guts to go NEAR each other and haechan is just sick of vernon’s endless daydreaming in the locker room 

seungkwan goes BRIGHT RED before clearing his throat and muttering “ugh fiNe” under his breath even tho he’s finally !!!!!! gonna talk to hansol !! agghhhhh!!!! 

haechan practically blows him a million kisses and runs off to the locker room before seungkwan asks

“HEY ummmm but uh why are you doing this?”

haechan sighs and feels he can’t even begin to explain himself without becoming a blubbering mess

so he just reassures him with a, “you’ll see”

hyuck doesn’t come to class that day even though you swore you saw him at practice 

he had cancelled breakfast w you earlier that morning and only waved to you once during practice, but again, you credit that to the finals being in 48 hours 

you shoot him a “cute bum where u from” text in hopes of getting his attention

“okay but no seriously WHERE ARE U I HATE MS KWON SO MUCH”

and no answer again 

you huff and give up and know he’ll message when he has to 

what you don’t know is he made sure to steer clear of you from now until the championships bc 1. he’s still not sure what he can do around you anymore now that he Knows how he Feels 

and 2. bc his hands are just glued to the sheet music, trying to rehearse as much as he can for this little surprise he has planned for you 

so all he does is just send you back a simple “not feeling well, just gonna rest up until the game” 

and your heart sinks bc you guys haven’t gone 48 hours without talking since like 8 months ago 

regardless, with championships coming up and endless school assignments piling up, you’re pretty well distracted 

but you do also silently curse yourself for imagining every quote in romeo and juliet to be hyuck and you 

and how every hour of those 48 hours seemed so excruciating and long and empty bc both of you were so busy 

so by the time it’s game day, you are restless and in so much yearning for a presence you never knew you needed this bad 

but you know, as soon as the game’s over, you can hopefully run into his arms and congratulate him 

ahem platonically ofc ahem, you try to convince yourself 

you get to the field and it’s already bustling with mascots and spectators and streamers and you can barely hear the sound of the band warming up above all the noise 

intros begin and you guys start playing the opening pieces as the banner rips and out runs 

hyuck

and it’s like suddenly the earth just . stops 

looking at him running out, eyes blazed and all determined and strong made you feel so much all at once, you could feel your knees starting to buckle

and it didn’t really help when, mid run, he turns his head to you and gives a subtle smile and wink before heading to the center of the field 

you bite back a beaming smile of your own

for the next two hours, that’ll have to be enough 

and there wasn’t a single doubt in your body that they were gonna lose 

the game starts and the volume doesn’t dim for even a second 

you feel yourself sweating profusely through your blue and white uniform with each toss and whistle and tackle and you swear you’ve never been so nervous in your life 

it’s the final quarter and your school is down by just a touchdown and you swear you won’t be able to handle this anymore it’s toO MUCH

you glance up at the stands to see yukhei holding chenle’s head and screaming and jaemin with his head in his hands and jeno just closing his eyes ((”i can’t watch i can’t watch i can’t watch”)) and mark and jisung grabbing onto each other muttering things that look like praying ??? 

you even spot former alumni, youngho, taeyong and jaehyun, biting their nails and clasping their hands 

there’s barely a minute left and the ball is in our possession 

you hear hyuck echo a “HUT!! HUT HUT” before he tosses the ball in the air

it’s like time slows down as you see the running back catch it and dash for the end 

THE ENTIRE FIELD IS ON THEIR TOES as you watch your team’s defence tackle and hammer people out of vernon’s way 

he’s going and going and just before the horn blows for the end of the game, he crosses the line and 

EVERYONE GOES INSANE

the horn blows for the final second and once again, you guys have done it 

everyone from the stands pours down onto the field and before you can process it, mark and the boys are running up to you and dog-piling you, dragging you into the crowd with them

they did it!!! hyuck did it!!!! 

there are streamers and confetti everywhere but your eyes are just straining and stretching, looking for him 

it’s just loud, white noise for a second before you hear something behind you 

your band is in position and you see seungkwan counting them in for the opening beats

your heart starts to panic to remember if you forgot you had another piece to perform?????

the opening chords to a familiar classic starts playing and before you can even react 

there’s a voice in a mic 

and the sound of someone singing 

and it’s hyuck 

the band plays along with him and you’re just,,,,,perplexed and confused as to what he’s doing 

until you realize he’s looking straight at you

the swing beat starts to get everyone in the crowd singing and dancing 

but you’re frozen in your spot 

did he plan this?? what is he doing and how did you not know about it???? you feel hands behind you and eyes start to land on you as the boys push you forward and hyuck starts making his way onto the field to where you’re standing 

the crowd gets even louder and the music gets even happier as he’s dancing and grooving his way to you 

and then there he is, right in front of you 

his voice has you hypnotized and you’re absolutely sure this is a dream 

you guys move together to the beat, never taking eyes off one another and you just have an amazed expression on your face the entire time 

the songs comes to a beautiful climactic end and you still have no idea what’s going on

the lyrics still echo in your head

“hey, hey, baby....i want to know if you'll be mine...when i saw you walking down the street, i said that’s someone i’d like to meet,,,”

and the entire school is watching ((INCLUDING HYUCK’S PARENTS AND YOUR TEACHERS))) and your head is just spinning, spinning, spinning

he lowers the mic and just leans close and rests his forehead on yours and whispers his words to you

“i love you, and i’m so sorry it took so long but i really really do, i just hope i can make up for all the time lost,” 

his eyes are pouring emotions into yours and for some reason you want to cry 

his team just won a championship!!!! scouts are probably here, scribbling his name down for a scholarship right now!! and everyone on this field was just yelling and whooping his name a second ago!!! 

yet he’s standing here, so vulnerable and nervous in front of you 

so you grab his face and swallow your nerves

and tell him you love him, you’ve loved him for so long 

all you hear is just muted yelling and cheering and whooping around you before you swear you see a glisten in his eyes as he leans and swoops you in for a kiss 

the band is going off and playing some other 80s love tune and there is still confetti just flying all over the place and people running up to you and hugging you guys 

but his hand is still entangled in yours and he just winks 

bc in the midst of all the chaos and all the noise of being such a superstar, there you are 

and he’s sure that’s all he’ll need 

[yourprayer]

some reddie headcannons no one asked for

so sara and i were talking aaaaaannnddd… these happened. we apologize for nothing.

co-written with the lovely @turtleneckrichie !!!! go follow her right now you fools

hcs about Eddie’s journey with last names <3

Okay but hear me out

Richie and Eddie end up accidentally moving in together

Like Richie gets his own place ASAP bc this boy loves to be independent.

He’s so excited to have his own house but tbh he’s a slob!!!!

Eddie is always over bc “RICHIE U HAVENT DONE DISHES IN A MONTH”

“Eds it’s only been four days”

“YOU USE THAT MANY BOWLS IN FOUR DAYS”

Eventually Eddie just ends up sleeping over? all the time? cause Richie is so bad at adulting?

Eds has a permanent parking spot in the driveway

Yeah Richie isn’t complaining bc that’s his boy

At first they aren’t together

But u can’t just… be pals when ur constantly cleanin house together

Trust me it takes a special kind of love to scrub toilets as a team

Yeah so all the losers kinda just accept that they’re together bc… they’re meant to be

K so like they go on dates but they don’t call them dates per say

“Just 2 bros hangin out at a fancy restaurant (three tables apart cause they’re NOT GAY)”

“Rich stop”

Eventually they accept it and Eds asks Richie out officially

Cause Richie is still in denial like he loves this boy? How did he not know? WOW HIS EYES ARE SO BEAUTIFUL okay seriously how did he not realize

Eddie is beyond happy bc like they have their own place? And they’re boyfriends?

Bc as soon as they start datin Eddie is like boy BYE and ditches his mom’s place!!!

(Richie is hella thankful for him getting away from his mom)

(And Eddie’s general attitude/vibes perk up so much bc he’s not!!! In a toxic environment anymore!!!)

SO NOW IT’S BEEN MONTHS AND THEY’RE SERIOUS

Like, they make plans based on each other’s schedules bc they wanna hang out all! the! time!

“Sorry Stanley I’m hanging out with Eds on that day”

“Richie that day is THREE WEEKS AWAY”

Eddie high key always makes arrangements for things for the two of them

Like this boy is 100% the guy who uses “we” when answering questions

“Eddie, you wanna go to the movies with us?”

“We’d love to Mike!!!”

“I- okay. Yeah. Shoulda known.”

So it’s super late n they’re snuggling in bed, bein all lovey and stuff

And Eddie decides that he’s gonna stop using his last name

“Rich, I think I wanna change my last name.”

“To Tozier, I hope?”

“Why are you like this”

“Yeah but seriously if you wanna do that then go for it babe!!”

(Eddie lowkey already made an email account w/ Tozier as his last name just to try it. He liked it a lot indeed)

Richie is so supportive like Eds is pretty much completely in love w him at this point

Even when Eddie tried to take up scrapbooking.

“Literally no one likes scrapbooking why are you even doing this”

“Richie stop it, let me focus”

“Can I put glitter glue all over your face?”

“Richie no you’re an adult”

He most certainly signs his book (with glitter glue, at Richie’s request) as E.T. bc those are his initials now

And YES Richie makes so many jokes about it

“You know babe, your initials are E.T. now”

“Richie it’s three in the morning go to bed”

“ET PHONE HOME”

“RICHARD go to SLEEP”

Eventually Eddie’s driver’s license expires and it’s time for him to visit the DMV

Yes, he definitely signs his renewed license as Eddie Tozier

“Wait, Eds, have you had your name legally changed yet??”

“No?????”

“Then… isn’t that identity fraud??”

“Hey Tozier, why don’t you shut up and don’t get me arrested. Just say we’re married”

“Okay… Tozier (:< ” *HEART EYES INTENSIFY*

Eddie doesn’t mention it but suddenly everything in his life is Tozier Tozier Tozier!!!

He even orders his magazine subscriptions w/ Richie’s last name

“Babe did you subscribe to… Ryan Gosling Source Weekly??”

“SWEET MY MAGAZINES ARE HERE!”

“You… used my name to get magazines of ur celeb crush…”

“Ya and I used ur credit card so watch out for that on the bill”

Richie is still whipped™

So he’s like “well what would Eds want for our one year anniversary?”

And he gets AN IDEA

He’s like “ok let’s change Eddie Spaghetti’s last name legally” bc he actually wants him to be a Tozier!!

So Rich does all that legal stuff just for his Eds to have his last name be Tozier!

And when their one year is comin up Richie just puts the certificate in a lil box w some cute blue wrapping paper and has Eddie open it

Eds is like on the brink of tears he loves his boy? So much?

Yeah and later on they go on a nice dinner date and surprise surprise!

Richie gets down on one knee and Eds immediately is shook

Cue confused and a lil bit sad Richie

“BAbe i’m literally proposing what ru doin”

Eds WHIPS a little box out of his pocket and shoves it in his face

“I WAS GONNA PROPOSE TO YOU”

Everyone in the restaurant is laughing. So. Hard.

Like the whole freaking wait staff is just like “christ these two, whatta mess”

So they’re a mess and Richie puts the ring away so Eds can propose bc HE WANTS TO SO BAD

“Richie Tozier, we may already have the same last name but like, I can’t get enough of you so please marry me.”

“Yes of course I’m gonna marry you, Eds! I won’t let a bod like yours get away so easily”

“Richie literally I just proposed can you just,, not for like,, one moment please and put on the ring”

Richie demands his Own Proposal bc he wants to say he was the one that proposed

“Just think of it Eds… when my aunt asks us who popped the question we can both say “i did” and not be lying! It’ll be the perfect way to confuse my family!”

“Richie we just.. Got engaged u don’t have to do it a second time”

“EDDIE PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD LET MEEE”

Richie 100% does the whole friken… stands on a chair clinkin a glass

“I HAVE A DECLARATION TO MAKE”

“We all just saw you guys get engaged….”

“NO U DIDNT NOW STOP INTERRUPTING”

Eddie has never rolled his eyes harder

“Eddie Tozier… will u be my Eddie Tozier…. But like for reals now??”

Eddie is just that “I GUESS” meme

Yeah the whole restaurant claps, again

(Cause Richie demanded that they all clap for them again)

Eddie is blushin hardcore bc his boy is so extra?? How is he so lucky???

Richie makes a Big Show of putting the ring on him

He just somehow… does… like no one understands how bc it’s just a ring??

But like… he is so graceful abt it and its such a Soft gesture

Eddie feels like a fool bc he’s fumblin so much n almost drops his??

But Richie just smiles n says “You got this Tozier” <3

[spockula]

a list of things i loved about thor: ragnarok

most of it is just me yelling

​thor being cocky with surtur and making fun all the time like u literally playing with fire i love u this is my boy

fucking skurge

“ᵒʰ ˢʰᶦᵗ”

anthony hopkins deserves an oscar for this performance

“my sons” aaaaa

“frigga would’ve been proud” AAAAAAAA

LOKI’S FACE WHEN ODIN PEACED OUT AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

ALSO I LOVE HOW LOKI WAS READY TO PHYSICALLY FIGHT DR STRANGE (ง'̀-‘́)ง sᴀᴍᴇ ᴛʙʜ

“you sound like him” FHSDKFHKDJSFDKF

loki honest to god panicking (how absurd is this sentence but i do mean it)

i’m only sad abt warriors three bc they were thor’s friends and he’s going to be sad other than that bye

(WHERE’S SIF THO I HOPE SHE’S SAFE I MISS HER)

is this skyrim

FENRIS IS A BIG FLUFF DOGGO I LOVE HIM

honestly some score in the bg reminded me of skyrim soundtrack i don’t remember when but it did ??

valkyrie falling off the ship 👌 👌 👌 legend

THEM GAUNTLETS CONNECTED TO THE SHIP’S WEAPONS I LOVE THAT ????

“ʷʰʸ ᵃʳᵉ ʷᵉ ʷʰᶦˢᵖᵉʳᶦⁿᵍ”

ass place

KORG

I LOVE KORG

HE’S SO PURE

I LOVE HIM

SO MUCH

MORE THAN ANYTHING

SO PRECIOUS

ONLY LOVE AND SUPPORT FOR KORG

“please kind sir don’t cut my hair”

“HE’S A FRIEND FROM WORK” i know this was in the trailers but. i just love the pure joy on his face he was so fucking happy what are the chances

trying to calm hulk down was so sweet tho. this is the love story we deserve

“NOW YOU KNOW HOW IT FEELS”

thor would’ve wrecked hulk and that is a Fact

hulk in a hot tub

bc that’s what heroes do

BRUCE BOYE WELCOME BACK

i’m gonna be tony stark

“i can see your face” “not if i do this” comedy gold pls i love

i support thor throwing stuff at loki please do that more often

safe passage through the anus is the new code for lube

THOR MOVING ON AND LETTING GO OF LOKI AND BEING DONE CHASING AFTER HIM BYE BITCH

LOKI’S FACE WHEN HE TELLS HIM THIS

GET HELP

THOR’S ALSO DONE W YOUR TREACHEROUS BULLSHIT NOW YOU KNOW HOW IT FEELS

“YOU COULD BE MORE” tho AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA i feel called out i feel this in my soul

honestly that whole thing thor said was beautiful

when in doubt disconnect from yourself and your surroundings and imagine odin being zoomed in on it will solve all your problems

yo honestly where is sif

KORG

“i’m not doing ‘get help’“ ily

ᵗʰᵉ ᵗᵉˢˢᵉʳᵃᶜᵗ ᵖˡˢ ⁿᵒ ᶦ'ᵐ ʸᵉˡˡᶦⁿᵍ

so i guess we’re …… not ever gonna see enchantress and skurge being mean girls :((((

what do you mean a king. this is captain’s log star date 1999.99

THOR AND LOKI HUGGED AND NO ONE IS GOING TO CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE

i’m glad asgard is destroyed that shit ugly

on a more serious note i don’t think thor has finished the process of letting go (he didn’t even have time to properly mourn yet) but i’m so proud and happy my bby is all grown up he’s learned so much :’)

(but also the whole destroying asgard and all is also sort of like a fuck you to the previous thor franchise. taika waititi gently scoops us as we watch it burn and tells us it’s okay now. we’re okay.) (that’s actually literally what he said when he was interviewed by hazel pls watch that)

(i’m sorry the old thor can’t come to the phone now. why? oh cause he’s dead)

for the first time ever on your cinema screens loki’s characterization is ON POINT

same for thor he’s not the angsty boye the previous movies made him out to be BLESS THANK YOU

i owe my life to taika waititi now

i’m not saying it was perfect but for the majority it was

will i ever write in-depth analysis of a movie? probably nah i suck at that

kinda sad that we didn’t actually get much of hela? but also it kinda fits the plot at least for me

ragnarok is simple like that (or not???? i’m not sure anymore)

i just love hela

and cate blanchett

that bit about loki turning into snek ...... god .......... kids amirite?

i love valkyrie

and loki is still         beautiful       fuck. a beautiful fuck

very turned on by the scene of them fighting tbh

THERE WAS NO ACTUAL LOVE STORY IN THIS MOVIE ?????? I CANNOT BELIEVE ????????????

ok bruce is a little bit in love with valkyrie which, understandable, who isn’t

this is not all of it but it’s all i can think of now i’m still overwhelmed

bye thanks for coming to my ted talk i love taika waititi and the entire cast

also loki u got that lil fanfic of yours wrong you were actually found in a temple which is a Whole Chapter of Stuff i’m not getting into :’)

the connection to iw :””))))))) i’m fine my sanity totally doesn’t verge on this

give me beta ray bill or give me death

[pinkfilm]

brain dump on rape and revenge films ((tw))

posting this here for archival reasons

thinking about how rape and revenge films are weird? they’re always directed by men. like i was talking about how my film is about unhinged women who kill a boy and this man in my class recommended thriller: a cruel picture to me. and apparently this swedish film was banned and the main char is mute, and is brutally abused and gets her revenge by becoming a badass. mister k.t. anderson also mentioned baise-moi? which is a french thelma and louise type thing w rape and violence. why are these men talking abt these films to me when my vision for my short film is like… a softer version of gummo or a modern daisies or just fucking. quirky greta gerwig shit. i like deadpan black comedy. i love thoroughbreds (2017). i dont know. i wanted to see ms. 45 which is another rape revenge film with the woman who dresses up as a nun when she murders her abusers and SHE’S mute. i feel like i cant talk shit abt these movies bc i haven’t seen them but god. why are these women mute. also how transgressive IS kill bill? tarantino makes me want to die a lil bit.  i feel like we can depict gruesome violence because it’s real (thinking abt darja bajagic and her art that deals w violence, porn, has included nazi imagery but not in a way she advocated obvs, etc. violence is necessary to be looked at i think) but when MEN do it it’s just like… idk. im weirded out by my own prof and classmate bringing up these movies to me after i talked abt my film. and then i think abt new french extremism and exploitative films and it’s like!!! sure a film can be so violent it makes me wanna throw up and still be “good” (blinks at gaspar noe) but why…. do we… need it? for shock value? are u really advocating for something? about the agency of a woman’s body? u will never truly know the anger of what it feels like to be born in this @ men. jesus christ. i dont even feel like a girl but the connection to all that socialized trauma is still real. and i hate being like blah blah blah hysteria trauma margaret atwood joanna newsom im sad and i read sylvia plath but. sometimes u gotta. i feel like men are so far removed from the violence that is so real to me, or could be real to me (it hasn’t been, thankfully). certain gruesome images dont really shock me anymore which is why im talking a horror film class. but i can think of so many films that are mild, not even violent, that touch upon sexual assault in a certain way that has made me bawl my eyes out. unrelated but ive always wanted to get into a fight w a white dude maybe i’ll actually go on a date with ***** and be really mean to him bc god knows he deserves it and square up somehow i think it’s the catharsis i need. every time he’s in my dms i think it’s hilarious!

[billiejoeshappytrail]

do all 140 questions you coward i dare you ;)

jfigkgkgkg okay guys, never do this to gee because she will do it back eventually, ,,,,, 3 Fears? Never being able to get top surgery, relapsing, bad things happening to Green Day 3 things I love? Green Day, my cat, malachite 2 turns on? Oh yikes,,, i'm tryna make this blog more kid friendly but i'm pretty sure you already know my weird kinks 2 turns off? Being right wing, being a posh twatMy best friend? I don't have one.. maybe my cat lmao Sexual orientation? PanHow tall am I? 5'6"What do I miss right now? Honestly? Uni. I know that sounds lame af but I just want it to be Monday alreadyFavourite colour? I have a lot of them! I'm an artist Do I have a crush? *exhausted noises*Favourite place? I really don't know right now What am I listening to right now? Nothing Shoe size? UK 6Eye colour ? BlueHair colour? PinkMeaning behind my URL; 😂😂😂Favourite song; IdkFavourite band; Green Day How I feel right now; Okay Someone I love; Bilky My current relationship status; Uh My relationship with my parents; Weird but not badFavourite season; SummerTattoos and piercing i have; lion tattoo on my chest, pink panther in my left elbow ditch, a dotwork crown on my left middle finger, a lot of stick and pokes, septum piercing, snakebites, earlobes, tongue Tattoos and piercing i want; Too many tattoos to explain, eyebrow piercing, nose piercingThe reasons I joined Tumblr; Fuck knows 😂Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? ! !! ! !!! I sometimes get a good morning from Gee on kik Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? My phone is dead but I think probably not?? How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? Uh, about five minutes unless I'm going full punk Have you shaved your legs in the past three days? Jgkhkh nope Where am I right now? My roomDo I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? Depends on the setting Do I live with my Mom and Dad? I live with my mum Am I excited for anything? ! ! !! ! !!!!! ! ! ! Tomorrow Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? Sounds cishet but okHow often do I wear a fake smile? Never, if i'm sad of pissed off yr gonna know about it If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? Billie Joe Armstrong What do I think about most? Mad shit, food, weed, music, intrusive bpd crapDo I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? BehindWhat was the last lie I told? I don't know, I try not to lieDo I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online? I'm sort of uncomfortable with both but like, the select few people I'll call usually skype me so I guess video chat Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Ghosts; dunno, aliens; fuck yea Do I believe in magic? I want toDo I believe in luck? What's there to believe in? Sometimes you have it and sometimes you don't but it exists like just by virtue of people being lucky sometimes What’s the weather like right now? GreyWhat was the last book I’ve read? Idk manDo I have any nicknames? Ya i'm itchy or itch to most of my online friends Do I spend money or save it? Idk man, I'm poor so idk Can I touch my nose with a tounge? NahFavourite animal? LionWhat was I doing last night at 12 AM? Maybe sleeping?What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? Any Green Day song What is my favorite word? I don't have oneMy top 5 blogs on tumblr; yo i'm not going that I have way too manyIf the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? Feed the fucking poor you heathens Do I have any relatives in jail? Not that I know ofWhat is my current desktop picture? I don't really use a computer but my tablet one is billie joe Had sex? Ya Bought condoms? NahGotten pregnant? Nope Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? Yeah it was kinda not as good as it sounds Had job? Sort of Smoked weed? Ye Smoked cigarettes? YeDrank alcohol? YeAm I a vegetarian/vegan? Veggie ✌Been overweight? YeBeen underweight? Probably not Gotten my heart broken? YeBeen to prom? YeBeen in airplane? YeLearned another language? Not fluently but I can sort of speak German like, more than the average brit can speak of their Fremdsprache :0 Wore make up? YeoDyed my hair? YepHad a surgery? Not yet Met someone famous? STZA REPLIED TO MY MESSAGE LAST NIGHT HFGJG also i met jeremy corbyn a few times, eddie izzard a few times and i have a wild story abt how I almost stabbed him Stalked someone on a social network? Ye Been fishing? Nah Been rejected by a crush? YeWhat do I want for birthday? It just happened Do I like my handwriting? I guess Where do I want to live when older? Everywhere Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? YeWhat I’m really bad at? Being neurotypical What my greatest achievments are? Not dying The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me; dude in my high school found out my mum had cancer and he said i deserved for her to die What I’d do if I won in a lottery; pay people's tuition, pay people's medical bills, buy either avocado toast or a house, I haven't decided yet What do I like about myself; Lots of stuff :0 My closest Tumblr friend; The goons :0 Any question you’d like? Are you outgoing or shy? Both at different times What kind of people are you attracted to? It depends, I don't really have a type Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? God I hope not, I never want that ever again for a really long time Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? Depends who with Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? RoryWhat does the most recent text that you sent say? IdkWhat are your 5 favorite songs right now? RVIVR - Resilient Bastard, Armstrongs - If There Was Ever A Time, Riverdales - Rehabilitated, New York Dolls - Personality Crisis, Green Day - The Grouch Do you like it when people play with your hair? Ye, unless I just did my mohawk in which case they can get the fuck away from me Do you think there is life on other planets? YeDo you like bubble baths? Sometimes Do you like your neighbors? Yeah!!! My next door neighbour is this lady called Lily and she encouraged me to try roller derby Where would you like to travel? A lot of places Favorite part of your daily routine? Taking my sertraline with a coffee maybe but not because it's exciting, just because it's the only thing I do every day without fail.What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? TiddiesWhat do you do when you wake up? Feed my cat Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? I like it how it isDo you ever want to get married? Fuck no If your hair long enough for a pony tail? Nah Would you rather live without TV or music? TV Have you ever liked someone and never told them? YeahWhat are your favorite stores to shop in? Uh, alternative places, every city has one, Afflecks, Camden etc. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? NahDo you smile at strangers? YeahHave you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? NahEver wished you were someone else? YeahFavourite makeup brand? IdkLast thing you ate? Lasagne Ever won a competition? For what? I won a few art competitions as a kid Ever been in love? YesFacebook or Twitter? Facebook Twitter or Tumblr? Tumblr Are you watching tv right now? Nah What colour are your towels? Red Favourite ice cream flavour? Cookie dough or salted caramel First person you talked to today? IdkLast person you talked to today? ??? Gee ??Name a person you hate? Theresa fucking MayName a person you love? Jeremy fucking Corbyn Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? Oh god, so many people Do you tan a lot? NahHave any pets? My baby boy ! !! ! My gorgeous little lion, my Corbyn, orange boy, fav boy Do you type fast? Sort of Do you regret anything from your past? Abel lmao Ever broken someone’s heart? NahHave you ever liked someone so much it hurt? YeaIs cheating ever okay? NahDo you believe in true love? SureWhat your zodiac sign? Virgo Do you believe in ghosts? Idk Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? "Annika shrugged. She was worried about the goldfish"